Yo douchebags,
hows the crack?
pretty bored and i was ill for 3 weeks in march. pretty sick, literally.
so i was unable to do something for university or play gaemz. i realized that i´ll be buried in gaemz. its just too much. i cant play that much and some of them are just too die hard for me. just thinking about these gaemz(DEMONS SOULS as an example) gives me crotch cancer.
and if think back what i bought in the last few weeks:
heavy rain
alan wake
magical quest for snes
3d dot game heroes
nba jam
deathsmiles
deadly premonition
tactics ogre
just to name a few.
oh gawd. holy crap.
and this year there are some games like duke nukem, shadow of the damned or uncharted 3 which could will easily be my games of the year 2011.
so next what is really quite persistent…
well how should i start this…
i once thought, when i get older, a lot of cool things will happen.
i thought, life would be like on the tv, like like in the us, with parties in the neighborhood and everyone is invited and is getting along.
i thought, i would be as cool, as all the grown-ups i once saw somewhere, with all their friends and all their (amorous) adventures.
back then, i told myself, life starts, when i get 10. when i got 10, everything was as lame as it always was.
so i thought, maybe it´ll start when i get 15. since then i just kept telling it to myself all that time. it never got cooler. it never changed. my environment and friends and everything were changing except me. i still playing videogames and everyone else got gurlfriendz and were like getting into drugs or we didnt have anymore anything in common.
one day i thought… something is not right. maybe i should just get to another part of germany.
and i was obsessed with videl/rukia and iam still obsessed with younha. there will never ever be anyone else. i will drop the girl, if ill ever get one, for younha. thats for sure. so stupid— but its part of my stupid will and mentality and i hope i will die for this aspect.
it sucks a lot, how people are this strange… i dont know i cant stand a lot of things anymore. whats the problem? why do i have so many problems to get along with people?
and why am i the only one with only nerdy nerds as friends? its not the fact that they’re just nerds, its the fact that i only have male friends. i wonder why.
it sucks. and quite fucks.
and i dont know how to change this problem. and even worse, i just cant ignore that problem. it devours me consistently. i cant think straight. sometimes i sit just there, and i remember: dude, ur fucked for real. i hate self-pitying. and sometimes i think: there wont be more love than my love for videogames. i just dont get it. its just like… well if you have a quad-core and you can only use 1 core because the other 3 are busy with calculating the crap about social anxiety, friendship and why everything is liek this.
why is everything so complicated? its like… iam trying to get something which is no suited for me. its like a magician tries to be a barbarian.
so how to change?
i dont get it, it sucks completely.
am i such a freak? there are so many more disgusting basement dwelling rip-a-dick fucks, and still i fail more than these deformity sucker.
i hope all of you facepalm yourself while reading this wall of crap.
i am doing this, too while writing this.
Life is like: 
And iam like this:
i hope there will be changes in the few next months… or the next year… if not, i need to end this.
this cant go on. i cant accept that. and there are no save files to reload.
infinite loop disappointment.
but i think i deserve it.
for being such a dick. for being with dark colored skin.
for not being mainstream.
for being such a nerd.
get a grip.
cya ass-fucks.
