März 3, 2018

almost 15 years ago i came across a very – back then – recent phenomena: hikikomoris(引き籠り).
Wikipedia says the following: Hikikomori, meaning „pulling inward, being confined“, i.e., „acute social withdrawal“) are reclusive adolescents or adults who withdraw from social life, often seeking extreme degrees of isolation and confinement. Hikikomori refers to both the phenomenon in general and the recluses themselves. Hikikomori have been described as loners or „modern-day hermits“. Estimates reveal that nearly half a million Japanese youth have become social recluses.

As a teenager I sucked up every information about Japan, every small tidbit about society, gaming, manga and culture. while this being a very serious and sad topic there was so much fascination about this topic for me. I read about this, thinking this must be the next level of being a nerd, a geek, an otaku, I was also aware that this is a social topic and a very heavy one, almost unsolvable. there was even an anime about this: „welcome to the N.H.K“, about one person’s life drifting apart completely from society.
I had a good laugh thinking this is only something which can only in japan.


When world of Warcraft was released in the west in 2004, there were the first signs and evidences, that people became really obsessed and addicted to online-gaming. This was already a phenomenon back in the 90s in japan and korea. We in the west were ridiculing those facts and it took us quite some time to take this matter serious. I would say, japan and korea, even though they are not a blue print of western society of the future 10 years ahead, they can be seen as forerunners, what problems will occur to us in roundabout 10 years. I read an article in 2013, why japan stopped having sex. This was one of the best researched and most mindblowing articles I have ever read. We in the west started going into that direction in the last 12-24 months. And so is the phenomena about hikikomori, which is now here in the west without anyone actually knowing. Of course it’s not as a heavy hitter in japan, but the symptoms are there. But back to the original topic before I run riot:
Now after some months, I would say, this has happened to me. Passively. I really don’t know how this happened but I am in the middle of this mess. And before I realized it, some of my friends or the people closest around me are almost the same, in some way or another. Social exclusion, self-made-isolation, loners and reclusive behaviour. If everyone, who is in this situation, feels comfortable or not, I don’t know. If they have chosen that by themselves or through things which happened in their lives? I don’t know and I can’t to judge. The only thing I see is, that we have become what can be seen as such. While I have some friends and acquaintances‘ who achieved what can be called a perfect satisfied life – job, wife, kids, healthy regular income – there are others, who are in the ether of the vicious toxic, single life, hopping on and off from affairs and hook-ups, and others completely lost control over society being complete shut-ins on the inside, but outside they are working like a cog in the system, I guess. but back to me: while I was having a good laugh back then, I got back into reality in the year 2018, landing no job, feeling completely cut off from reality and society. I feel almost no connection anymore to the outside world. It feels very off these days. I never knew joblessness can make you go mental. Having moved back into the basement of my parents‘ house is literally the worst what could ever happen. These people are very ill people, I don’t like them. I realize what kind of environment I grew up. I realized, when I moved out back then after high school, what amazing fresh breath of the wild of this new freedom it was. Having no one commenting on your things, good or bad. Now, years later, with more experience and more knowledge, you realize, how bad these people are. Pushing you down, putting you away, calling you loser… how can these people become parents? In fact, I really hope, I will not have any contact in the future, once I completely move out, once I have the money for independence, once I have received my freedom. Becoming an adult shows now its signs: you become an adult, once you are completely independent, no one telling you what to do or pre-judging you, if you have mastered to live with no ties to someone controlling your spirit and will. I was doing so during my studies and now I lost this freedom, when I studied too long and not having enough money continue anymore.
Losing confidence, losing your way to live and your way of handling things… especially if you are gifted, this is what can cripple you in life. I am at this point. Lowering standards, losing things, which were self-evident… unbelievable to get so low in life. I try to move to köln, berlin, münchen, hamburg, those are the cities to go. I really wish, and I really hope, it will work out this year. I can live independently where I go, but on the same time, within masses of people I can feel very detached and lonely at times. Sometimes, I feel very happy being around a lot of people with knowledge, sometimes I feel happy alone around videogames in my basement. These days, I am neither of those. I seek for reasons and answers and I find neither of those. I don’t know why I am unhappy in my basement. I don’t know why I feel unhappy, when I am around people. Everything feels disconnected, flowing with no sense of direction. I don’t want to end up being a hikikomori.
Everyone has their own reason of being alone and not being alone.

But you should not be forced due reasons into loneliness. I feel this is why a lot of people are unhappy. On the other hand, there are also a lot of people unhappy in relationships. But how many are unhappy in a relationship and how many are unhappy single individuals? Recent studies said, I think it was 2015, that there are now more single households than family households or at least people living together. Are we becoming an individual society? But what does that mean? Are we truly happy? Or are we pretending to be independent, achieving freedom but with giving up happiness through friends and your significant other? This is one of the questions, I came up some time ago, but I was never able to find any studies relating this, this is a very recent phenomenon, it has mostly just grasped wealthy western societies. Humanity was for a very long time busy working for food, surviving and keeping shit intact. Now we are on the verge of having everything automatized. We don’t need family, we can rely on the state(well in socially advanced countries, unlike the US which is retarded). But does that mean, that all of that is good? Will this work out for humanity? We are in the end still animals, men are hunters, women are gatherers. We reproduce ourselves, there is shit ingrained into our genes, which we can override through behaviour and our will, but this will take generations until our genes will overtake these behaviours, according to Darwin, IF the wrongful behaviour dies out. We don’t know yet. I for myself have found out, that I can’t live alone. I don’t want to live alone. I am a person who is cheerful around some people, not too many people, and I easily and quickly feel lonely, I need constant input, whether its knowledge, or the social interaction I can thrive from or make people around me thrive. I don’t want to be a hikikomori, but I have become one and want to break loose of this structural misbehaviour. i think, only a small minority really decides for themselves to become one, no one actually truly seeks out for such a live. You can hang out in your basement for 1-2months jerking off to hentai, playing videogames and not take a show for weeks, living off bread crumbs, but living like this for months? For years? No. never. I am too smart for this shit. I am capable of so much more. I don’t want to waste my life like that.


Februar 6, 2018

It’s been a while.

How are you retards doing?

2018 did not start well, and it still keeps fucking around with me. The only good thing so far in this year was getting a present from one of my best friends around, he gifted me Monster Hunter World, a game I was remotely interested in, but could not afford it due money constraints. We actually even organized a little old-fashioned-sleepover-party at his house, setting up several TVs, brought over our consoles, plugged everything together to get started. We almost played for 10h straight. Reminiscening the good old times, haha. Monster Hunter World is finally the step into the HD-console world, the game franchise always needed. It still looks sort of unfinished, the game runs sub 30fps, has dozens of loading times, not the neatest graphics… but this is monster hunter and Capcom finally did the overhaul-treatment it always needed. Monster hunter 4 ultimate finally got me, after I played monster hunter 1demo back in 2005. It SUCKED. I never gave this game a second try until one friend brought 4 copies over to gamescom 2009. There, all 4 of us got hooked. We played a few times only to be forgotten again: Capcom fucked the European market since the psp was a disaster and mh3 was released on wii… and none of my friends were interested in buying the game on such a system. Anyways, mh4u got me hooked again, mh generations disappointed me, and welp, mh world finally did it. So many good improvements. One big map, proper online play, you can stay on a map for longer than your mission, you can run and collect stuff, the map is bigger, there are no loading times in between, there are nice tids and bits which are helping you now to progress faster, but on the other hand, there is so much more content now and the most important improvement: it got proper controls now. Iam still playing it here and there for a few missions with my dudebros, the first initial session was very nice. I wonder how many more months we will play this game.

Next topic: family. I never cared about this topic, and it sucks for me. I don’t like my family, and I never had any intentions to found one. Maybe there was a fantasy about it, but it was more of a fetish with me in younha but except being a dream and being super anime-y I never gave it a proper real thought about it.
Now I am 30 years old.
This number is not magical at all.
This number is standing for despair and hopelessness.

You are officially old, this is what it screams at you. If you have not achieved anything by now, you are doomed for all eternity. I really mean it. I start to think very different about my life. Life starts to become very fast. You wake up, and within a blink of an eye it is already late in the evening, dark outside and you wonder what happened to the day? Anyways, back to the topic: When I was 20, I thought I could conquer the world, everything was free and open and I could do whatever I want. There were no limits, no barriers, no responsibilities, at least almost none. I was despising all people thinking about family, staying in their hometown, withering away their youth in this shithole called Heilbronn. There was nothing worse than just staying here. Some of my classmates already had family plans with their boy/girlfriend after finishing school. That took the biscuit for me. I could not comprehend, why people who are open and bright, smart and who were equally gifted would like to stay in their hometown with those boundaries. I didn’t want to get it. The same goes to… well specific jobs. Back then, I thought studying to become a teacher is very narrowminded and village-styled-mentality because you would not be able to travel and move freely. Oh boy, what a fool I was. This whole family and age thing has certainly taken turns for me. Back this thought really disgusted me, because a family meant that you are not free anymore. My family made me unfree. At every time. They never took me to the next level, it was more like caging the demon into the lowest available basement next the devil. At least that’s how I felt at times.
I start to think different for quite some time. I have concluded, that the people, who have achieved marrying and getting settled are far more satisfied with life. They are not mentally retarded like me. They have achieved something and they don’t have to fear about tomorrow. Of course, they gave up on parties and doing borderline stuff, but on the other hand, they have achieved happiness. At least this is how I see it now. I know, that there are certainly people who have it worse than me, with their divorce in such a young age, or already a single mom. But I really wonder, why I have never had this kind of chance. I really would love to live this kind of life, where I don’t have to pursue something which is not existing. I would love to settle, have a loyal and smart waifu, kids and my home. My family, period.
Instead, I fell for the biggest lie in the last decade: being free with your studies and you can do what you want. I am now a broken person, I had to retract. This is painful and admitting defeat sucks, always. I think, if I would have met myself ten years ago, I would have not realized that this is me. Ten years ago, I would have never ever said that or even backed down with my lifestyle. Now I feel different.
I think studying to become a teacher was a wise choice.
Having a family is wonderful.
Settling somewhere is a nice idea.
What have I become?
I really don’t know. I met dozens of people during my studies, I had dozens of opportunities, instead I have the feeling, that I always did the wrong shit. I really don’t know. I have travelled so much to gain wisdom, knowledge, experience. I saw my life as a videogame that I will eventually gain something from all those adventures I threw myself at. Instead I only saw disheartenment and sorrow. I very much lost on the way something very important, and I don’t know how to retrieve it again. Life broke my will. Some might say, life is unfair at times. I feel life tenderly crushes me in a step by step way. What have I done to receive all these monkey faeces in my face? I really don’t know why, but I really see some sort of salvation in my chaotic life if I would have my own family with another person and kids and not be affiliated with my parents anymore. These two are very evil people and they do not know how bad they are. They are mentally ill people, they are unfair and impossible people beyond repair. Which brings me to the next point: I also believe that with all those life staking problems, you can’t unfold yourself. My very life, since kindergarten I always had this inner fire, this burning passion being interested in many things. My parents did not know how to control this, so the only possible solution was to silence me or put me in a room and tell me to shut up. I was never exposed to any awesome stuff, nor was I taught anything by my parents when I was little. Yes, we were poor, and my parents were never interested in these kind of things, but… I realize how many effects that had… only in the last 5 years. I realize how people around me talk in high regards about their parents. How they are very grateful, that their parents taught them this, or that… or what great times they have spent together or how funny, awkward or nice their parents are. If I remember back… all I can see is my parents limiting me, giving me detention or down talking my efforts. I don’t see any reason to talk in any regard, in any positive favour about my parents. Well yes, I can say, glad that I didn’t get raped by them, or yeah, I had enough food on the table or I had a roof above my head… I don’t know, I feel very disenchanted.
Last topic I want to write about today is racism. Yes, again this topic. But I want to combine it a little, since there is so much going on in this fast-paced world of ours. A few days ago, someone on resetera complained being called a cuck. Nothing new, right? But, this person felt very frustrated and disappointed about this insult. Some users told that person to move on, but this person, let’s call that person X, got carried away by that. I think it was also talked on discord where one person said, that this is the same about being called the n-word. While some went bonkers in discord over that, racism is really ingrained very hardcore into our culture where people even don’t realize it anymore. The word racism has turned into a… word similar being called Nazi. It has been used inflationary, people got tired of it so they have forgotten about the meaning of it. Racism exists in both ways, not just being used on minorities but being used in a derogatory way to insult someone based on pointless stereotypes. I have one friend sitting in HR in a company, she told me, they are not hiring Indian looking people, because they are anti-social, they do not participate in group activities, and the only good thing they can do is programming. She assumed, based on that, that therefore most companies do not hire me. I can’t even program. But this is called racism. They relate things too far away with me. And this is being done in so many ways. This not just an easy rule of three. There is so much more depths behind that. Another one is very hard, which I read a few days ago (if you can read German *click*)
Being blatantly racist is one thing, but protesting silently takes also a lot of effort and endurance. If you check the comments, it gets more retarded: people tell, that Germans mentioned in the article were just polite and it is an insult to call those fine gentlemen racist. This is very rude, and I feel very uncomfortable to see that people can think in those kinds of barriers. Unbelievable and jaw-dropping how simple minded people are, but this somehow shows a specific part of Germany. And ZEIT is being read by the smarter audience in Germany. This shows us a clear deterioration of our standards in Germany. Somehow there is so much missing and people are not living the same lives in Germany. There seems to be more parallel societies than I thought. Why I came across this topic was because i watched the documentary about Nate King Cole, a musician who was very talented and gifted. Frank Sinatra praised him and helped this humble person, but no one knows Nat King Cole. Its not about „oh bring this black/minority person“ into the stagelight, its more how many obstacles this gifted person had to overcome and yet, he has been forgotten by most of the people. Just thinking about how much this person had to endure, until he was considered „one of us“ is already enough to see that we havent achieved equality. i dont want segragation or „revenge“ or anything, i just want to see people not mention certain traits as if it would mean an illness or something abnormal. what we consider right now retarded might be remembered in the future as the biggest struggle. well at least this is how you can see the fight the minorities and especially blacks have achieved from the past. while i am not a fan or supporter of black live matters(because they use violence and there are certain directions who are favouring the superiority of the black race) there will be some less weird and good outcome in the future, wether the whole neglecting of the whole thing happening or being praised and helped shape the future how people of something unnoteworthy as skin colour are being treated.

One last thing I want to mention…
The same friend who gifted me monster hunter world, wrote me a few days ago, how bad resetera has become. Well, I sort of thought this already at the deathbed of NeoGAF that this would happen… resetera consists of the same bad people, so what the fuck, whoever destroys proper discussion culture should not be welcomed. Our right and left directions have shifted quite hard in the last 3 years, it has become a fierce battle. Race has become important again, but it is NOT just the fault of trump, but the discussion culture going bonkers. I think democracy has started to halt, a system ruled by AI means the death of minorities, since it is being programmed by whites and ingrained with white culture only. And I don’t mean white culture as in US/EU only, but the Chinese feeling “white” too and who are even worse that the americans when it comes to racism. This will start a new era of racism, if you’d ask me. How AIs are right now can be seen by the experiments done by twitter and Microsoft: within a day the AI driven chatbot turned out to be a flatout racist being. This shows clearly, that the human being, whether it is black, yellow or white is just stupid and racist.


Januar 5, 2018

It’s been a while. Iam not sure, why this downward spiral is keep continuing. I don’t know why iam alive. I don’t know what my purpose and my existence is. Why am I still alive? Why is it so hard to live?
The whole fuckup-ery of my master is still shivering my bones. It’s not just that. I thought, I would be able to pick up a job quickly, I mean I have quite a lot of experience when it comes to work, I have worked in so many different fields… only to realize, that my whole person, my whole existence is being denied. Not just the master, even trying to apply for jobs, for traineeships… nothing. Not one. I have applied for the past 6 months for more than 100 jobs, only to get denied. As if this is the only thing… I don’t have any bigger social contacts since I left the master’s course. I go out only once a week out of the house. I feel becoming retarded, just staying at home, reading all day, figuring out, what happened, how I got into this situation, why my family consists of retarded people, and how I can get out of this toxic environment.
I could have witnessed a few nice days in December, instead I got myself into trouble. I went on vacation to help my father selling off some property, only to realize, that this shithole of a country my parents came from, discriminate foreign buyers. Well fuck it, I thought, I might just enjoy my trip in that country and went off. Instead this whole trip became sort of troubled and riddled with problems and uncomfortable surprises. Since I was used to get myself out of a tight spot, I did my best to do so. Unfortunately, my father still tried to put buckets full of shit onto me. Escaping from it, was just becoming tired and retarded. Eventually I gave in. in the end, this whole trip just was a slag. Getting back to Germany during Christmas, I never was happier to get back to Germany, I couldn’t believe it. I was looking forward to new years eve, since a few friends organised videogaming, a nice and cozy sleepover for a couple of days with nothing to worry about. It would have been great, until I helped out a friend in Freiburg who was moving into a new apartment. We had some talking and I just realized, that except me almost everyone on that “sleep-over/cosy/comfy”-weekend was in a relationship. My synapses melted. I sort of have some a problem seeing couples or people cuddling in public. Generally speaking, it just cramps me up very fast. I feel uncomfortable. In general it just pisses me off infinitely. It has no bigger reason. It is just, that iam not part of it, as much as I have tried it. This completely made me full retard. I went autist-mode and hid in my basement, being the fucking faggot, I always have been. This was my NYE17/18. Getting almost on a daily basis letters of refusals is nothing you can be proud of nor something you can work on. I simply would love to sell off my body and crush my souls, so maybe the grim reaper might have some fun poking my soul-crumbs into the river styx. I never knew, that my life is this worthless. Would have I known this, I would have never come to life. I fucking disgust and hate my life. Nothing ever worked out:

No girlfriend
No money
No job
No knowledge
No fun
Why am I living? What for? Everyone around me does not understand me. There is no one out there to help me. I cant help myself. I don’t even know where to start. As much as I have tried out so far, there is literally nothing which worked out. I get ridiculed by the people, I try to open up and seek for help. This ensures me even more, that my person, my character, every little tid and bit of myself is not wanted on this planet. My whole existence is wrong. For a very long time, I tried to have standards:
Younha as the woman I want to seek out for, scientific knowledge I want to acquire, having some sort of standard set of codes you want to live, videogames as the best hobby in the world, Japanese stuff as a unique point I am interested in on this planet, not being a capitalistic dickhead…
I realize that everything I have lived so far for,… was plain wrong.
The society and this planet selects people who are good/needed and who are not. The outer powers of destiny have chosen to get rid of me, in whatever way possible. I have endured this shit for 30 years and now I am very tired and I cant bear this whole shit anymore. I am really unsure, why I haven’t pulled the plug yet. Its fear. There needs to be an easier method. I am not sure, why so many out there have achieved so many greater things than me, and I am not able to keep up. Not just for the pure purpose of competition but iam even failing to fulfil my own goals. I simply hate myself for the fact, that everything goes wrong and I cant rely on anyone. Iam not a person to ask for help from anyone, but I see plenty of people getting so much more shit done with the help of others. Those people are getting praised for something which they haven’t done by themselves. Of course I am always searching and questioning myself=how did I end up with this, what kind of mistake I made, or how can I improve the situation. the result stays the same. As hikaru utada says: keep trying.

I am fatigued by trial and error. In my case, just errors. Zelda II= I am error.

there is one part i want to write about… a person i started to care about, but i cant. i am confused. this person… does not help me to find out the truth or to distinguish reality from the illusion.
but there is so much more… but i cant… write…because i dont know.

i dont even know what this blogpost should be about… its just some random rambling.


November 16, 2017

Today I’ll write about winterdepressions.

It starts with romanticising it with words such as winterblues. Usually winterdepression starts in November and ends around February. Some people do not realize that this is actually a thing, but it has been recognized by the international standard mental diseases classification board as such. While some people, due their bright mood, their genes or their social environment will not be affected, there are people who easily change their mood unintentionally. It is very hard to narrow down why certain people get easily affected while others do not have a problem at all with that. Why do I even start with this? Well I seem not to get out of my hole of infinite bad situations. It seems to follow and swallow me. There is this thing about my master degree which keeps me scourged. I am not capable of recovering from this setback. Then there is this social sphere of fishing around in the mist of unknown territory. I constantly am wondering, why some friends are behaving in ways I am not able to understand nor do they seem to understand my situation. I also am not able to make them understand that I do care. I am not even sure if this is even necessary, since friends should watch out and care for each other, or maybe it is just my anime way of understanding how friendship is working. I don’t know. There are a few people these days, who seem to not care… or not anymore. I am not sure if this is part of becoming an adult or if I am just being in a shitty situation or if this is just the way of life. There was one great mind I met during my studies who had his quirks of being always some weirdo or someone who does not want to reveal too many information about himself. He left in the mist of “I don’t want to be part of the internetz”. Part of the problem was of course me, I showed him 4chan and he became addicted to /pol/. In the last few years before he stopped hanging out with me anymore he started to tell me red-pilled he has become. He is/was indeed the smartest person I have ever known, but boy did he become arrogant. This happened a few years back but I am still confused to not know why this all happened. The same goes for the whole situation at university while I did hang out with tons of people, and a lot of people “liked” me, I did not have the feeling that they really do like me, instead they were just leeching off the things I was creating or organising. In the end, I was right, most people didn’t even care when I stopped doing all these things. This makes me sad. And lately there have been some real good friends I know for more than 10 years who have become sort of silent or… well not respond in the way I used to. One friend and me we had those talks and he said, becoming an adult is becoming autarkic. In this day and age, where everyone is having a lot of relationships, friends, acquaintances,… people around you, I cannot wrap my head around this. Why should you become autarkic? He is now hanging out more with his girlfriend and his closer relatives than with his bunch of friends in this case. He also said, not being capable of caring anymore for people who are dragging him down. He does not have the energy to keep up with his job and his already tiring girlfriend. When his relatives are taking up too much energy, and then,… his friends, he is near a mental breakdown which is why he said, he wants to distance himself from all these tiring influences. it made me realize, that I do not know what I am pursuing. I don’t know what my goals are. For a very long time, my goal was to have younha by my side and a very good social environment. I do not care about money or material prosperity. My problem is, that my relatives and a few acquaintances of mine do care about these things a lot: a house, a car, a good job. If you don’t have this, you are trash. A loser. Not something worth of. If you hear these things many times, it makes you crumble. If you hear this all the time, it will make you mentally break apart. If you do not have any other influences, this cripples you for the rest of your life. And I think this is where I am. I am surrounded by mentally deranged narrow-minded people.
My parents are such people. I really sometimes wonder, why these people were allowed to have kids. Telling your kids constantly something like this is not healthy at all, nor does this have a sustainable effect on them. My parents are very bad people, I can’t believe how I was able to survive their horseshit. This place where I grew up was never home nor do I know how to create a place where you can belong and feel comfortable. I constantly get the feeling of not belonging anywhere. And I feel incapable of changing this. To this day my parents are still behaving like this. Telling that you are worthless. Making you uncomfortable at that one place that you should be calling… home. A friend of mine from Sweden once told me, that she never knew what a family was. She was passed around from one family to another. She said, there is no such thing as family what she ever will be able to create. That was one of the saddest things I have ever heard from a very cheerful person last year. It made me gloomy for a couple of days and made me rethink the way of life. There was always something rebellious in me to say that I want to live another life than that of my parents, but I have realized in the last five years that the way of my life needs to change fundamentally to change the whole situation. I really would love to live in a world, where communication does its job. I know that communication can lead to so many mistakes, but I have the feeling that I am not able to communicate well. I always have the feeling that something is off or misunderstandings are in the air and happen easily which are irreversible. I would love to not worry about being deceived or someone getting upset with no reason. I don’t want to live in a world of uncertainty. But it seems that this is the reality which shapes my future. Getting accustomed to compromises is one thing, but living an unhappy life is another thing. Right now, I try to pursue a job so I can live independently as well as trying to fix the master degree situation. back then everything which was related to a mainstream goal such as a house, or a civil servant was something I despised. Now, I have a different opinion about that. The security, the benefits you can draw are simply amazing and just great. I would love to have that one person who likes me or more unconditionally and where I don’t have to worry about nothing any more. But the reality is just crushing when it comes to the career, the few dreams I have with constant negativity around me. This negativity numbs you and brings you eventually down. I am at a breaking point, where I am sort of giving up my enterprise-ideas due personal environmental reasons. And this is so much more than just winterblues, which I would love to ban for all eternity because it draws your energy and does no good in the end.

So, what does this blog in the end say? Well I don’t know, maybe it is just a mood, a dark page in the life of MoK, or it could resemble maybe something more vivid, something which is in all of us.

Iphone X vs. Kinect

November 9, 2017

Hey there,

This is a little late, but better late than never, as a german saying is being said.

Today I want to write about the iphone x. I know, everyone is talking about it, and most of you cant hear or read about it anymore or are already owning one.
I don’t want to talk about the price but about the fact, that the iphone x has a Kinect-like camera. Yes, you are right, the technology behind the iphone x is a little bit similar as the one from Kinect. It is able to make a 3d-picture of your body/face and is able to recognize you with this. While Kinect was the reason people got shun off and eventually did not buy the system due to the fact that “you can be spied upon” or “it is recording too much personal information without my consent”, well I would say fuck you. The same people who say, that people are filming you on your laptop are willing to throw away their security with smartphones. The possibility always exists as long as a device is there to get hacked. Smartphone, tablet, laptop or macbook, someone who wants to record your shit, will eventually find a way to do so. The Kinect like iphone x cam is nothing different here. Now it is able to film and recognize the person who is holding the cam. We already gave up our thumb which is now being used as the unlock-feature of a smartphone. While I always am keen to welcome new technology, I find it embarrassing to see technology failing at one point but being embraced at another point. I loved the idea of Kinect for games (even though most times devs were not able to transmit a cool experience for the customers except child of eden). Kinect has been called off. It is dead. Ms actively killed it to have the xbox staying alive. Instead the Kinect technology was being used to navigate tvs or now being the standard way to unlock iphones.

It is interesting to note, that Samsung already had 2011 a patent going on to unlock your phone with your eyes or with your face which they never used until the galaxy s8. They only did built it in because they heard the rumours of the iphone x being a a phone which will be using this kind of technology. Instead of actively pursuing it, they fucked it up, AS ALWAYS. I do not feel sorry for Samsung, while I feel sorry for Microsoft not having the possibility to use the great technology the way they intended. I really hope one day this technology can be used in way way or another for VR/AR/MR. since it is very similar in that regard and would be great for such things.

Harvey Weinstein and the end of NeoGAF

Oktober 24, 2017

Kept ya waiting, huh?

I have some topics on my paper, so yeah let’s see how far I come.

The latest topic is about Harvey Weinstein. Before I start this argument, I want to say, I condemn all kinds of sexual harassment and I do not condone any, I give zero fucks about the gender, because sexual harassment is sexual harassment and is existing in all colours and forms.

Harvey is a very influential, if not the most influential producer with the best network in Hollywood. He is involved in a number of sexual harassment accusations. The problem itself is nothing new: a guy behaves in a sexual way in front of women to show that he is attracted by them. The problem is here, that it is Weinstein, he can outlaw everyone and everything thanks to his connections and his power as well as money. The women, who are now starting to accuse him were using his power or money to become famous back then. They were nothing, they were in dire need, they were abused, or he used them, and they were using him, all of these backgrounds should be considered. I don’t want to say anything wrong, I only want to say, that the women, who are now starting to accuse him, are equally and morally wrong as him= If(!!!) the girls were just tacitly accepting it. For this price, they became famous, they got the role, they got… whatever and now they sort of try to use that spark initiated (which was only a matter of time) to have their revenge. I feel very angry at all those women, who are now fighting united against someone who helped or kickstarted most of their carriers. Those girls/women had the possibility to say no or decline the offer to have any sexual relations or involvement with this guy. Instead, they “let it be” done by him and now years after all those happenings as well as after they carriers are now where they are, they “betray” themselves as well as him. As I said, I do not condone sexual harassment, but this shows what is wrong in our society. Women as well as men are taking advantage if there is any slight chance of. This guy might be a piece of fuck, but he was offering a specific role/offer to a specific person with a little extra. The women ALWAYS had the chance to DECLINE. They just didn’t. I am NOT sorry, I do not feel any pity for those individuals. To dig into this problem, we have to go deeper into society, into what a man and a women is and how they were interacting for a very long time. Until recently, women were always treated as dumb and “worth” nothing without a man. On one hand, women never felt bad about their role, on the other hand, the ones who took the opportunity, were treated as tomboys or were seen as “not-ladylike”. Men didn’t see a problem in that, women also didn’t see a problem, since they were taken care of.


  1. The guy, who protects his woman who has his sexual instincts, strong, muscles, you get the gist.
  2. A girl, shy, frail, who is awaking the instincts in a guy with her looks. Damsel in mistress is what was the ideal girl or princess were.

No one opposed this for a long time. After the guy “gets” the girl, he is free to do what ever he wants with the girl. The girls only purpose is keeping goodlooking and well maybe doing the housework.


Now we have a more liberal society than ever before, women are not just having the role of a side-bitch, they can be the heroine too, which is a good sign and I strongly encourage this. As for one, as a guy, I am being talked out of the fact, that I prefer women who are smart, same height and the same age as me, someone equal. People criticize me for the fact of my preference in women. Even women tell me, that a guy needs to be the smarter one. They tell me, women prefer someone taller, someone stronger, someone with more money and more influence than themselves. I feel disgusted by that fact, but also that is maybe why I am still playing the virgin’s game, so you can see, it is a problem deeply ingrained not just in the male superiority complex-culture, but women having that inferior-complex.

Back to the topic, the only problem is, that there is a discrepancy when it comes to the sexual exchange or the sexual dialogue which is being done non-verbal. Women do not start “talking” in a sexual aroused way as guys do. We are still animals with our sexual demand. Guys are not depending on that, its ingrained into their nature. There are societies where this is less of a thing and societies where this is more of a thing. The west has achieved a high level of “gender equality” that means women and men can walk on the streets without completely getting harassed or being made responsible of when something happens. Bad examples can be found in the middle east or in parts of asia:

In some countries/regions of the middle east(I do not want to specify the country), women can be accused, when dressed not accordingly so men got lured to “rape” them.

In Asian regions (no generalization here, too) the voice of a man is more worth than a woman’s, hence a small touching or “force” seems to be ok there.

This is beyond borderline retarded and is still sad, that we have that. On the other hand, we have a very unhealthy paradigm shift going on right now, where women are accusing every male of being a potential rapist because of that assumption, they want to have male to be sterilized in a worst case scenario. On the other hand, the same very group of women tend to try to take advantage of male when it comes to all the perks and neat things of “how to treat a lady”. Men are already faulty for simply being men. Women should not forget, that men and women have this history of sending small and plain signals to attract each other, or it was much easier to claim a man or a women with simple directions for conversations or within a group. Now we have different layers and different set of minds which do not necessarily mean we have come further on a societal level. We strayed afar, if you’d ask me. Women are sending out signals, which men tend to receive in a specific way: if an ok-looking-girl wears a bikini, it is normal for a guy to be aroused by that. It’s the same as being normal, if there is an accident, that you are looking and most of the time helping or saving lives(at least in western culture).

A guy has to take the opportunity, because by setting up an ok-looking girl(1) and a nice outfit(2) you have two items, for making yourself attractive to guys. I do not want to say, that girls have to disguise themselves in ninja suits or in a potatosack. I don’t want that. I do not want women to limit themselves, because someone else is not able to understand them the way women want to express themselves. The problem is more, that girls are doing something passively and expect a certain amount of action. This is a traditional role-model-concept, maybe from times when human were being hunters and gatherers. Now we have achieved a specific state in our society where a male does not need to be dominating, not to be active, not to be strong, not to be financial supportive. Female have evolved into different directions. When it comes to attracting the other sex, there has not been much of a change going on. The slow changing pace is still not fast enough to make sure, that such miscommunication can be avoided. But what does a woman have to do, to be the active part, to not make herself a slut and to not look cheap because she is selecting the her prey actively? These are the first concerns of women, when told that they have to change their behavior or if a guy “abused” her. I still tend to say: speak clearly what you want and what you don’t want. Men are very simple and do listen and do what a woman says. It is easier than you think. Most men are very afraid of women. Have a look out there how many desperate virgins with no power are pestering on the internet(don’t even, its just guys). How hard it is to even have the guts to speak up to a woman who they might be interested in. On the other hand most women still do not have the courage to be active in the “game” or do not even think of becoming the active part. As a woman, you are expecting in still 80% of world-wide cases to be passive and not the active part. In the patriarchal west, women start to become active, but that is a very small percentage. Women still tend to be passive, women still expect guys to “receive” the right signals and becoming active towards them. There is no activity except acceptance or rejection. There is almost no “hey, iam taking the opportunity of becoming the active and snapping the chance”.

But back to the topic: Weinstein is someone, who has power, and someone with power is always at a specific point abusing it. It is very sad, that next to the “man/women”-gender imbalancement, there comes the strife for power and influence. And here there is a huge entanglement of police, state and of course Hollywood as a bunch of fucking incestuous fucks. Harvey knew how to play the game, and everyone who wanted to participate had to subordinate him/herself to this. No one in Hollywood, who has risen from the ashes to the top had the balls to fight the system. Just because of the fact that Weinstein is now more or less gone, does not make this corrupt system go away. Have a look at the Grammys, the Hollywood movie awards and so on: all of those shows are only a circle jerk of companies and powerbrokers, who suppress and show off. In the end it is a battle between the people who are and who are not cooperating with those companies the real battle is between those companies, not which movies was conceived the best. We need to rethink how people or institutions with power are acting. Not just the interaction between man and woman.


The next point is about NeoGAF:

Boy, I didn’t get the whole picture, but you can read everything on the megathread on reddit:


the ultimate megathread, with the power of the internet, all of it was restored, almost, to get the whole picture of what happened. But almost. Shit hit the fan, if you’d ask me.

First of all the problems of NeoGAF:

  1. elitist club
  2. hard ban+very weird mods who punish you for certain views or opinions
  3. it became an echochamber the last few years(since 2012)

I got banned myself too for expressing too much as well as slightly fighting the mods.

On the other hand, NeoGAF gave me always the perfect overview of all important news and the most important nits and bits about what the videogameworld has to offer.


What happened: evilore, the owner of NeoGAF has allegedly assaulted someone some years ago. It is an accusation, it is allegedly. There is no proof except some word-to-mouth. Someone made a few screenshots and made them available on imgur where evilore tells his mod-team to ban/delete all posts concerning or discussing this issue. So this means, the modteam knew, that there is something behind that person and were pretty much protecting him from any shittalk on his own platform. Understandable. But the problem is, that it sort of went viral. The problem is also, that NeoGAF has a very narrow point of view, which is why this sort of backlash and the “end of NeoGAF” has happened. The user, the mods, the owner and everyone was contributing to the falsifying info about evilore. It was known, that evilore did shit in 2012. Someone even dug deeper and got some revengeporn from evilore from the year 2006.

I just want to make it short:

This is too far: we can’t deny and punish people forever for something they did in the past. They need to be punished to the right time, right when it was happening. And evilore’s questionable past resurrected on the weekend? Why? WHY? Again, since this is also the topic about a man demonstrating power: someone allegedly got raped/touched in an inappropriate way. Someone accused someone. With no evidence, only by word-to-mouth there can be done tremendous damage. I don’t want to say in any way that you should not believe this. Or ignore it. I am against racism or misogyny, but we are now having a very weird way of communication where everything can mean your death of tomorrow.

What I don’t understand is the fact, that now, a lot of people are having the feeling that everyone on NeoGAF consists of pedophiles and alt-left people who are defending rapists. This is where I had it.

I feel so alienated lately through the whole topic of gaming:

#gamergate which is linked to the inauguration of trump as well as the recent spark of racism and alt-right, which have inevitable ties, but are not the main reasons is what is making me feel uncomfortable. Racism and misogyny, are two new topics joining along on the roadtrip to oblivion.


Oktober 4, 2017

its been a while. the end of september, especially this year has been in great turmoil. not just personally for me, but also politically here in germany.

well lets start first personally.

i went to see the old bunch of people i was with for quite some time, until there was one couple breaking up. this lead to the fact, that pretty much most of the gang was not any more really in touch anymore. everyone moved away after high school, so this was also something. anyways, we are able these days to meet up once a year for talking, gaming, eating and spending a few days together. it sort of feels very strange. we try to relive the old days, even though we have not been friends for a long time. well in fact, we are already fans for around 10 years, but does that mean something? this is what i question myself these days.
whats friendship?

what is love?
baby dont hurt me
—ok, just joking.—

well, i hope we had some fun. for me iam questioning a lot of things these days which is why i was not able to fully engulf myself in joys and tears and happiness and friendship and this strange blast of nostalgia, even though there is not much of nostalgia we ever shared together, nor we are sharing now. it felt very strange.

it was fun to see how people, at the beginning hesitating, but later fully enjoying the wii u party machine. that actually made me happy, even though i did not do anything for that. fun to see how everyone was doubting to have fun with this „thing“, but later enjoying it. its sad to see how nintendo failed with the concept of having asynchronous gameplay working out. except nintendo no one was able to figure out a way to make use of it. most did not even try. some had stuff like hyrule warriors which was playable on 2 screens. but most other examples are not even worthy to mention.

back to topic why iam personally sort of holding back: after the first weekend in augsburg, i also went for a full week to münchen. t’was very weird, since i almost invited myself to my friends. they were not sure, if they will have enough time for me, but it went well, since one friend was a teacher and another one worked during daytime and another one i met more or less randomly. so i was busy almost all day without really having a lot of time hanging out in front of the laptop. despite that fact, i still felt weird. maybe it was because of the festival in august. maybe it was the fact, that all my friends and acquaintances have progressed, evolved and moved to their next personal stage. they have become successful in a job, have found their significant other or have done something, which iam envious of. iam standing sort of somewhere and i do not know what to do. iam interested in a lot of things, but on the other hand i get easily bored of a lot of things easily. iam also a person who talks and interacts easily and with no problems with (unknown) people, on the other hand, within a few sentences i am able to find out if they suck or not. am i being judgemental?

i met a very old friend from back in the days(when we chatted on msn/windows messenger) in münchen.
she is now a teacher and we were not in contact for almost 8 years. now i met her in münchen and boy was this some experience. iam baffled of how different this experience was. she is a very friendly person, almost too friendly which made me feel a bit alienated. on the other hand, i might have to say, that i never met a person who was caring so much about me, or was so much interested in me. until now i am still wondering why she is so interested. some people tell me, that i am interesting or knowledgable, but i do not have the feeling, that i am know that much. there are so many things i do not know, or which i cant do. she gave me a weird feeling being someone greater than i actually am. i feel very grateful for that, since this is the first time being like this, but on the other hand, i do not know how to sort this into my pandoras box of emotions. the week was too short to actually acquire more or get to know more about her, welp.

while being in münchen, i went out with two friends from university and dude is this whole shit out of touch. going out for „fun“ or to get smashed or hit on someone is beyond retarded. it was pretty much the blandest experience in münchen (regarding going out). hanging out in clubs is absolutely something you grow out of. music sucks, this whole sausage party thing is something i cant get over anymore. i really dont know, why this is to this very day still that shitty. more guys than girls, and multiple guys hitting on one girl. this is fucking disgusting. the girls being hit on multiple times, why is this still such an inbalanced act of shittiness? why is there not healthy exchange? or a healthy balance of the same amount of both? but no, lets make it even more retarded.
oh and of course i came across some maybe racist stuff:
i spotted some people on octoberfest throwing nuts and small pieces of plastic at foreigners(especially at people from china/vietnam/maybe korea) at first i thought, this is a one time occasion, but then i spotted this a few times over the course of 4 days. just random guys and girls(most likely europeans not sure if it was exclusively german peeps), some dressed in traditional clothes, some just in normal clothes, being shitty people at tourists/foreigners. i was shocked. i think the last thing which was the worst, is the fact, that my host, she was making out with a guy, and they both obivously look like foreigners, but were from germany, a guy and a girl were throwing small ice cubes at them. this makes me furious as well as sad. its 2017 and we behave like it is the middle-age all over again.

i want to go over to the political part of this blog:
in germany there were federal elections last weekend. the pretty much hottest election ever. while in most of the world right now we were having a lot of right-wing-parties rising, germany was relatively moderate. AFD, the right-wing-party, so far they are not right extremists, not completely but more and more right extremists like them and AFD is becoming slowly one. and this is the first time ever after the second world war a right wing party is sitting in the government. not just a shock for germany and the countries around, it is also a shock for the world. it is interesting to see, how many countries were reporting about the federal elections in germany since… well germany has become the leading country in the world. this whole
-USA is the best country in the world
-from rags to riches
-everyone is equal
-human rights
everything is a fucking hoax.
it took me until bush to realize that this is just complete utter bullshit.

germany is not trying to show off, but trying to make the best bets and business in this regard.
fucking over greece or saving them including making bucks on them is one plan. the same goes about the argentina plan, when making them almost bail-out during the world cup in 2014. germany has become one of the most stable but also wealthy countries and one of the few countries who believe in the idea and future of EUROPE. i believe in this idea too, free of racism or bigger problems to travel across one continent. but this needs everyone on board. UK already cut off ties not to be anymore part of this. hungary while sticking to older EU-plans, shows of nationalistic right-extremist point of view not interested in making EU a greater place while leeching off all benefits from it.
the same goes for a lot of eastern european countries. not just being racist, but also not taking responsibility OR even daring to help out in this whole immigration mess.

while immigration per se is not bad, we needed more border control and the people who are actually terrorists or interested in doing bad stuff need to get the fuck out off every EU-country. i would love to send off the nazis and islamists into the same hellhole outside of EU, but that is impossible. on the other hand, germany and the others need to show these immigrating people, the dos and donts, which is crucial for integrating into the society. integrating into the society is a very important part, because we have seen how far away those can stroll, who do not have anything to do with society. this also includes eastern-european/german/„muslim“-people, who tend to give zero fucks about this topic.
this is completely missing.

germany is a role model country and needs to be one for the rest of the world, since the US is a bunch of lying rednecks being engulfed in some obstructed race war, since the country itself claims to be the most diverse country, but it also is the country with the biggest issues trying to project it over to other countries and fucking them because of that.

and this is why the right wing parties rose in europe in germany especially, while the politicians arent able to communicate on a level where non-cultured (educationally disadvantaged) people are understanding what the political elites are trying to communicate. there is also a lack of understanding that the politicians are not interested in talking about the smaller problems which actually interests small minded people out there. this is why right wing rose to this level right now.

we are 1930 all over again.
i also unfortunately know at least 2 people who hate the „remember-culture“ of germany. this means, that germany should forget, that we started 2 world wars and we were responsible for one of the greatest tragedies on this planet(other countries participated,too. NEVER FORGET THAT). these 2 people are also thinking, that the islamists are taking over our country. the fact, that we have 10percent muslims(the rest does not care about religion or are other religious or non-religious groups) is not interesting them, they simple dislike this whole fact.
again, this is all based on assumptions, no scientifically acquired facts nor any surveys, my 2 acquaintances are not interested in checking those, they simply are interested in living in their small minded world, even though they basically arent retarded as someone who does not know they first would assume. this shows, how badly people remember what happened in history, but history repeats itself.

AFD achieved 13%, which is very sad and i really hope a political party with no real program or agenda should get out of the government since they are not interested in the democratic ways we are living now. they are only interested in the destruction of the todays structure we are living in. while not being as bad as the US with trump and hillary, we have stability, its more stable than a ps4.

last but not least, i want to offer you guys this:

*click for the OST*
this game was announced almost 5 years ago and it has been in development for even longer(dunno how long).
the graphics, the music, the gameplay=FUCKING PERFECTION.

it is definitely a GOTY (i think only super mario odyssey can take the crown, there is no other game, which is capable of becoming this).
it has become very tough these days to get me hooked. back in the 90s there were so many graphical leaps which floored me so many times. in the 2000s games achieved graphics which did not get better for me personally or did not convince me anymore. when jet set radio came out, sega introduced cel-shading, which is an imitating comic/cartoon look. this is what i have decided for me as the perfect look for games. dragon quest was one of the games, showing me that this style can be taken over to the next level.
graphics wise the naruto games by cc2, wind waker, dq8 were the heap of leap. best ever.
now one more is joining the party: cuphead. what an awesome graphical style. i would play games in this style all day. soooo great.
the soundtrack is also being in the same style as the graphical style being all jazzy from the previous century. the OST sounds very comical, very beginning of the last century, very disney, very…. AWESOME and new, at least for games. love the OST to death, since i heard the first few seconds.
go fucking buy it.


September’s gonna be hawt!

September 4, 2017

Hey there,

Its been a while since I uploaded something. Some stuff happened in the last few weeks and I do not know where to start.
Well lets try it with this: I have not played much of all the backlog lately. Even though I had a lot of fun seeing all the games stashed in the last 12 months I was away from Germany (I usually send all the physical goods to my videogamebasement) it is always a pleasure to unbox/have your awesome collection in the palm of your hand (almost of course, since all the big shit is too big to fit). Despite this fact, I do not have any time at all to play all that goodness. Oh and here we have some chaos I am not able to clear out:

I recently started the last guardian and doom 2016. The last guardian is such a huge disappointment. While I really enjoyed shadow of the colossus,(ico was meh) tlg is again not as good as I thought. I love the atmosphere, but the beast sucks, the controls do suck, the “go this way” function in the game is just… widerspenstig. The beast called trico is resisting all day while you have to bend your mind to get your shit done. Additionally, the camera sucks even more and sometimes goes sort of blank. What a weird way of showing how the control/camera will not budge as you please. Very disappointed but I still want to finish this piece of garbage. I would love to whip the ass of fumito ueda for this crap, but then again, he tries out things no one else does in the industry, so he saves himself. Thanks for being courageous.

Doom on the other hand: i did not have any expectations and boy is this game good.
60fps goodness, the gameplay is fluid, it just fucking clicks. What a blast. Iam not the big FPS-fan, but this game just rocks. And I paid only 10 pounds, so I cannot complain at all. What a great package with all the weird free-for-all-DLC.

Once I have finished those games, I would love to start gravity rush 2, since gravity rush 1 for psvita was my game of the vita of all time. The first game, I played the shit out of it. It was just the best game, and fucking dedicated vita title which almost no one played. I didn’t hear anything about part 2 but iam very glad that it came out.

Otherwise I pre-ordered/bought the following things even though I am completely broke:
-SNES mini classic
-Metroid Samus Returns Limited Edition

lately I have not been excited about any upcoming titles. There are tons of games for the switch I would love to play, but I simply do not have the money nor time.

Splatoon2 and arms are fucking must haves for the switch… and Mario is around the corner… boy this will catapult Nintendo again to the no. 1 of all consoles, hopefully!

Except that a few days ago this was released:


So this is my gaming situation, more hype and reading up about videogames than actually playing

Next topic:


Unbelievable how this guy gets me every time. How I get triggered so many times. It is very interesting to talk about this topic, since so many people have so many diverse opinions about this. Trump is actually destroying the reputation of the US. And I think this is good. The “we are the good guys” fades out. FINALLY. Everyone out there on this planet knows it except the US themselves. Now there is one guy who still wants to be seen outside as the good except for doing anything for it. Great choice, if you’d ask me. The US needs to fade out, their presence sparked so much shit. I am very thankful for the elimination of the Nazis back then thanks to the US/SOVIET/anyone not mentioned here. But now the US should go back to the third world country state they belong to. It is unbelievable how such a country can spout so much horseshit and still taken seriously. They try to preach to everyone about human rights and freedom of speech, while trying to bust anyone who talks shit about the president or anything else in the US. Oh and don’t forget how they treat people who are not white/Caucasian/Christian. So yeah, anyone out there needs to actively ignore these people. Please do not let them interfere with your affairs. This leads to the next topic, a hot one: north korea. North korea is a very isolated country. Their way how they are offending their archenemies has not changed in the last 30 years. You could set your clock, when NK was again trying to provoke anyone in their reachability or in some cases the US. This is a strategy from the cold war back then the US did with everyone in the soviet union/socialist/communist countries. While back then it was quite common, we outgrew it (thanks to the muslim terror these days)
North korea was always the aggressive part being the one not wanting to be occupied(=their language, but to be translated into something, we are able to understand: as an autark country, they try to have as less influence as possible, in a globalized world, it is near impossible not to have any influence from other countries) north korea used those deterrence methods from the age of the cold war to show, that they can sustain themselves and as well as that they want to be taken serious by their enemies. It also works as a method for ransom. They show, what they got and their “enemies” pay them with food/goods so NK goes back into dormant mode. This has been done so many times, since no one on this planet took NK ever serious. NK actively never attacked anyone (except some incidents in SK as well as some kidnapping in Japan; but that’s another story… oh and of course some fled Koreans in other countries (kim jong nam)). I understand NK, as they are not interested in becoming an underdog in the global players game. Iran does play a similar role as NK here, but they of course have their own (religious, unfortunately, because the iran before the revolution must have been awesome) reasons. I am very fascinated by NK… the reason why this time it is different is the fact, that the US president for the first time since Reagan, is equally retarded as the dictator in NK. US would never take NK “serious” since that country is one of the poorest countries in the world with a decreasing population of 20mio. NK killed more than 10% of the population (some numbers even said up to 5mio) in the infamous famine between 94-98, thanks to kim jong ils retarded organisation. So now we have trump, really having ill intentions of eradicating opposing countries off the earth. I would love to see that, and I would love to see serious damage done to the US by NK.
But I also know, it will not happen, as the last 30 years. NK knows they will get fucked for eternity, the US knows, if they start a war in NE-Asia, China as well as Japan will sanction the shit out of the US, that will hit the US very hard, and I really hope, that the US will not recover from that. It would be a very nice change of heart to see them struggle for the first time in history. The US never struggled, except for racial tensions. And even those racial tensions are sort of a taboo in the US, which is very sad. Most people say that there is no such thing existing in the US which makes it all the way worse. What I find very shameful is the Asian community in the US being secluded from anyone trying to show how superior they are, reigning supreme above the average joe who barely finished high school. Even though saying and being a melting pot, the US, to this very day, is the biggest lie in the history of man. Being the country with the most conflict setting up passively as well as actively, built and making money on the blood of others. I am so ashamed for being a fan as a kid of the US for a very long time. Now, after understanding a tiny bit, of how big of a shitshow this country is, I am disgusted as well as disappointed, how the world is being run, hence my point of NK having a right to deter themselves from the US. It is very sad that most people do not have that much knowledge of what is actually going on. China as well as Japan said a few weeks ago, that if the US should try to invoke an Asian “Middle East”, China will make sure to let them know. Those are more than clear words of what is going on, and China being very concerned about NK as well as the US.

Germany on the other hand needs to take its stick out of its ass to take its leader role in at least Europe. I would have never imagined to say that Germany needs to lead again (because it sounds very nazi to me) but seeing how incompetent most other shit countries are (Poland or UK) there needs to be a country with a half decent amount of brain, thinking straight with no war or racist horseshit in mind. And there is no proper country out there except Germany (and france). Germany is going to elect its chancellor and political party at the end of the month and you can feel the tension how proper people are afraid that the right wing-parties might gain more seats in the parliament. It is mind boggling, how the right wing parties do not even have a proper program, nor are they in any way a democratic party at all. For anyone with a school degree, you are able to realize that half of their political program will affect any even biological german person too in a negative way. Not trying to thrive towards Europe is pretty much a death sentence since globalisation is being done in big steps and there is no way to avoid that. To avoid globalisation means to become north korea, more or less. Even though merkel/Germany/Europe did some bad things during the beginning of the refugee crisis(letting everyone in without proper border control, not throwing out the lying people from Romania, Bulgaria, eastern Europe, oh and all the fake-refugees who register as many times as possible to get all the welfare money… but that is not the main problem. My main problem is not to implement the need of leitkultur in Germany. Again this is a nazi term, but iam a master of words, and i’d love me some new coining of such negative connoted words. Leitkultur is very needed in this day in age. There are Nazis, reichsbürger, fascists as well as too religious people who do not acknowledge basic rules of society which ensure a peaceful togetherness. That is why I want to see leitkultur becoming reality. My problem is that leitkultur sounds like there is someone telling another person, that they are doing something wrong. No. leitkultur needs to be something which can be established and transformed into the new Deutschsein. This means accepting, acknowledging the Grundgesetz as the no.1. after that there is the language which is really why we are here in Germany. There is no such thing as a true german: a Holstein-person is more Danish person, than a Bavarian person. And vice versa with Austria. Being German means a lot and does not mean anything at the end of the day. For me, a german person is a bright, smart and interesting person with a sharp mind being tolerant and open towards every and anything out there. This is how a lot of german people are when they are traveling outside of Germany. The picture inside of Germany of german people is different: a true german must be white, tall, blue eyed and some have even worse nazi imaginations. I get asked plenty of times why I am able to speak german IN FUCKING GERMANY. Every time I hear that, I would love to kick their brains into oblivion for that. But back to the topic: There were a few rules posted a few weeks ago about what being german is, but I don’t remember all of them despite some of them being weird as that one rule of having the freedom of religion. I have to say: I do not care about religion, and islam is right now testing the principles and the foundations of this in Germany and elsewhere in the world. I find it very disappointing of a lot of muslim people to see them being radiosilent when it comes to say if they are against or for ISIS. There is a silent majority, according to some outlets who are agreeing with ISIS which is why iam a bit… wondering if this might be true or not. These muslim people have a right to be radio silent, but on the other hand, there are radical people telling anyone out there who do not have a clue about islam, that the infidels have to die… which is why they need to become active and telling the folks that ISIS is a bunch of hissifucks.
Freedom of religion is getting tested which is nice to see the paragraphs being tested, on the other hand, we see the boundaries of that. People are dying or living fear because of that. Every religion should be equal. No religion should cause fear or should reign supreme above all others. I do not want that. And this is right now a world-wide problem. Muslims being not compatible to any society outside of their origin. I don’t want to deny any person to any circle. Every person and any group or culture can enrich everyone. But when a certain group daunts you to be tolerant to them, while them bullying you, I think this is where the mark is being crossed. This is happening partially in france, which I find very sad. Same thing happens in Sweden where the Swedish police has trouble to find the right ways to address those issues. These issues need to be solved by both groups: the muslim community as well as the the domestic groups.
I do not see enough effort of the muslim communities trying to deal with this. Most of the time they feel being the victims, while being the perpetrator at the same time. A very complex topic, which I yet have not fully understood. Germany still has a fairly good position, yet I would love to see more engagement from any participating group to solve and live a peaceful life in this country, because that is achievable and not just some utopian dream. I don’t want to live in a country full of patrolled streets, police, violence and fear.

After a bunch of rambling, I would love to post two more things: music.
I don’t want to go to much into details, because I would love to write about that in the next blog post, but here is a music video which I loved a lot when it was released. The style, the music, the atsmophere and those frilly 80s oozing outfits… pretty much on point and very perfect right now. The best MV so far for this year. I am no fan of Girls Generation but they look so great in that video.

next one is another Kingdom Hearts Album. It is called first breath and was released last week. Yoko shimomura impresses me with everything videogame-related. She is the legacy of uematsu. good buddha, i have the feeling, that iam the only person who listens to this kind of stuff, pretty much no one has this kind of taste of music….




Juli 12, 2017

Another Blog.

I have arrived back in Germany. I feel sad, I should feel relieved, but I don’t. Germany, or better the area, where I was originally born and lived until moving to Hamburg… holy shit I never realized how much of a human garbage hole this is. People look like their parents did incest. I mean, I usually don’t care, but after Sweden I realize how good looking the people in Malmö/Sweden were. Sporty and fit people. The only downside were the atrocious make-ups but even that was better than the shit I must bear here in Heilbronn. I can’t believe how ugly can be. I am legit shocked. I feel like a too good looking person and being too smart. I realized in the last 12 months, that you are more or less able to find out about the attractiveness and the IQ of a person by having a closer look at their face, their gestures as well as how they use their voice. I had these kinds of thoughts deep inside me but never urged me the feeling of writing them down after verifying the shocking truth on the day of my arrival back in germany. This becomes another sad fact why I don’t feel welcome why I don’t feel myself at home, why I don’t feel myself comfortable at all. I would love to “arrive” somewhere. I would love to stay for longer than 12months at one place and built something. Right now, thanks to difficulties of my studies, my financial situation and just the fact that I don’t feel good at all, I don’t know where to start at this construction site which is pretty much my life. When I was still in high school, I read, that people who are unable to find a partner in school or in uni, there is an 80% chance that those people will never find a partner, ever. Back then I laughed how retarded these people must be to become such degenerated fucks.


So I don’t feel well at all these days. Plus my parents aren’t really the best persons to be around at all. So I am really trapped here without having much of a choice.

Three topics I want to write about, which has been occurring very recently:


Again, this fucking topic. I fucking hate to talk about this, but there is a necessity that this topic is very ambivalent. DLC has been a topic for years, now after the recent Mass Effect: Andromeda, which was not received very well due to the glitchy nature of this game’s release. Bioware announced surprisingly that they will not release any story related DLC.
Yes, exactly. A nice move, if you’d ask me so you have the full package when it comes to the story part. No one should actually be angry about this, the MP-part is different since most companies depend on the longevity of the MP to have a longer revenue coming along. Unfortunately after the breakdown and the disappointment which andromeda was, fans/the public were crying out loud for the fact that there will be no story-related DLC. I really lost it.
“Gamers” are just retarded.

Part 2 Remakes

Remakes, Remasters, HD Collections and so on have been going on for quite some while. While this is nothing new and has been done since the first console system, the game changed during the ps360-era. Companies used a lot of energy and effort to “remaster” or to “remake” games in a very good way. The only shining example which pops up is the Resident Evil Remake. After 6 or 7 years Capcom did a major overhaul for this franchise and created by far the best remake ever. New graphics, everything was better than the original. Wow.
Now we have come a long way: remakes remasters can be done in a bad way too: ff10/x-2, the weird silent hill remaster, prince of Persia collection as well as the splinter cell games which can’t be played online. Now the icing on the cake happened in this month:
-Crash trilogy, fully remastered, a very good compilation hit no.1 on the selling charts.
-Wipeout omega collection was no.1 on the selling charts.
-Those two games sold more units than any other no.1 in this year.
What does that mean?
Well it means, that gamers are old and are not really interested in new games anymore. Most People rather play these days their old well known games than diving into a new experience. I think this is very sad, since I always love to dive into new games. I rarely play a game two times. I usually play except some mp-games NOTHING more than it is needed. I rarely do a 100% run since its tiring to collect all shit in the game and not really rewarded. We already live in the dark timeline since bubsy returns and ff7 will be remade in an episodic format. As a fan, you can’t tolerate such horseshit. Well but as a mindless goon or brainless fanboy you will be always on the side of the publisher who is interested in milking their customers as hardcore as possible.

Part 3 People asking for the death of system X

I think I never heard it more clear than today of people asking for a system to die because it is simply too old. People constantly ask for the death of the original X1 or 3ds so many times, I don’t know where this comes from. NeoGAF has become sure a weird playground for “gamers”. The 3ds is still doing ok, it sells ok, it has survived so far and it still gets games, better than ever before. Yet people ask for its death. WHY? I don’t get it. The system is not the best, but a system defines itself through the utilization and their games. The 3ds is one hell of a monster, it is not as good as the original ds, but still a great system. With the new 3ds, had my second coming, I played the shit out of monster hunter and enjoyed more games than I thought. Yet people are asking for the system to die and Nintendo completely focusing on the switch. The switch is sold out in the US, but is not as well selling so far as it should. We will see in which direction this gets.
The same goes for people asking for the death of x1. Yes, it wasn’t the best, but I think MS developed a far better controller than ever before and did still receive a lot of shit from “gamers”. Sony released a sub-successor of the dualshock, with bad rubber, with the worst battery life of any controller ever, with no analog buttons anymore oh and with the light and the touchpad which isn’t being used in 90% of the games. Oh and guess what: the are getting praised for doing such a great job. Oh and while we are at it, their services have had so many maintenance or down times, while ms was working more or less fine. There was a website with more or less accurate sources which said that more than half of the ps+-subscribers do not care about the selection of the games or the games at all.
90% if the selection is indeed garbage which I might have never bought. Every second or third month there is one game, which I would have bought, or I already own, so there is that. Wishing the death of a system for no good reason is stupid and I really dislike this. I hate sony for being retarded, but as much as I hate sony, iam grateful, that they exist and have “revitalized” the market as well as broadened their focus and targetgroup. The brought gaming into mainstream markets.
This is pretty much my rant for july, no music worth to share except that I hate summer, I hate warmth and I feel desperately alone while not getting my shit done.
I hate you all and peace out.

Taste of Sweden by ExpediaSE

E3 – The Month of the year….?

Juni 19, 2017

Hey there,

i found some time, to write about the E3. Every year, since… 1995 i am hyped for E3. Electronic Entertainment Expo, always somewhere in Atlanta, then after some changes in LA. They also changed their concepts quite a few times, companies came and went and… came again. Within the last few years, we had quite some dramatic changes going on seeing long and lost games uprising again and being released, such as the last guardian, ff15 and one of the poorer examples such as duke nukem forever.

gaming culture changed that much in the past few years, that i started to distance myself being a gamer, calling myself a gamer, or even deny being associated as a gamer in any way. #gamergate, EA, Activision, Ubi Soft, Sony and Ms have alienated me quite a lot as a very long time and passionate person about videogames. Schemes in the biz such as payed online services from Sony (Microsoft is fine, because they always charged for their service and their service was always better than any service out there, while Sony started ps+ for ps4, so online-gaming got behind a paywall despite the fact, that their service is still shitty, they still had until recently „maintenance“, which is unacceptable for such a service. i don’t care about the free games, since most of them just weird shit no one cares about or games, so old, that they were so many times on sale, that most people interested would have bought them anyway so ps+ is just garbage, but people defending it, made me lose faith in humanity. the icing on the cake was when sony announced to up the sub 10$(for the US), because it’s worth it. yes, go fuck yourself)

Microsoft redeemed themselves with so many awesome things lately. X1S, releasing a slimmed down version, with a 4k-Blu-Ray-player is unbelievable. their game pass is also a nice addition as well as ea access, which is for anyone who is interested in ea titles, while this shit is not forced on the others.

Other than that, MS has delivered the ultimate 4k-system, after sony’s weird way of dealing with it:

A ps pro, which can’t deliver a better performance for every game, nor does it work properly without an output patch. For a company which lies their focus more and more on the playstation-brand, I am quite shocked, that no one actually complains about this. SonyVR and ps pro do not have a high adoption rate, but for products, which might define the future, the quality and support is really lacking.

Back to topic, the E3. This year’s E3 wasn’t very spectacular. Sony delivered a very disappointing trailer show, with next to no presentation nor moderation. If you just show us trailers, what’s the point of being an attendee at all? The games, they presented were just the usual games successors, with almost no surprises or new IPs. The shadow of the colossus remake and Spiderman were the only ones, which stood out, for me. No news about FF7R, Shenmue3 or the I&IIHD, or any new games which would make me feel excited. While MS wasn’t any better, they had some exclusives which were quite good and stood out. Not more than Sony, but for MS’ standards, that was quite an effort. Cuphead, Ori and DragonBall Fighter Z were my personal highlights of this years E3, next to the urge, that I want to buy the most powerful “monster” of an Xbox One X, which can be abbreviated as X or XbOX (nice pun, MS). Nintendo was absent, as always when it comes to a LIVE show on the E3, but they had a showfloor. Their traditional tree house presentation, a pre-recorded 30minutes show with funny meme-induced stuff was as pleasant as always, but also well… not full of real surprises:

Super Mario Odyssey, Metroid Prime 4, Metroid: Samus Returns, Splatoon 2, Arms were the ones, which stood out. I really want a Switch, and I really want all of those games. The same critic applies here too: Just successors of old games and no “real” new games.

Metroid is the only real surprise, since the last Metroid game was released over 10 years ago for wii. Some people do not consider federation force on the 3ds as a real Metroid, but it is. A 2d Metroid is even older, I think the last one was released in 03/04. So with Samus Returns, Nintendo actually completely delivers.

One point, which made me furious, and showed me, that gaming has changed quite a bit, is the fact that people were upset about that fact, that Nintendo showed the Metroid prime 4 logo, but nothing else. The game is in development, and they were happy to announce it.

I remember in the 90s, magazines were full of announcement and everyone was anticipating game-screenshots or any tids and bits in the next issue of a gamemag. Now, if you don’t get already some finished pictures or a demo with a game-announcement, people get annoyed. I find this kind of development very sad. I loved these kind of hype-announcements so people would get really excited to see stuff going on.

There were times, when games were announced and never released, or they were changed so much from the original vision. It was sooooo much fun to see the change and the process of a game being made, a lot of inside and exclusive interviews with certain mags or exclusive screenshots and whatever.

Now, I read on NeoGAF, people don’t want that anymore. People don’t want to get hyped too early, people don’t want to see a game in a too early stage with stuff shown to the public, only to see it later being not implemented into games. My biggest offender is the fact that No Man’s Sky has deceived gamers in a way, that companies and gamers don’t want to get exposed and hopes all to high only to be let down with the final product. One the one side, I cant blame them, on the other hand, I see this as a part of videogameculture getting lost. Hype is and was always a huge part of gaming. Getting hyped was what made gaming great. I loved being hyped for most of the time for specific games. I was so hyped for countless games back in the 90s and early 00s. Since 2010s I can tell you that I didn’t get hyped for too many titles. Now with the PS4/X1 which are more similar than ever before, there are barely any games I really would be hyped for. E3 this year was really a let-down. We see the professionalism, with less cringey moments(of the moderators), with gamer’s who behave like Sony is Jesus (the guys who were bowing in the Sony conference) or the E3 FF7R moment, when people started to cry, when it was announced (funny to see the reactions, that the people didn’t realize the game until the last moments of the trailer, when the camera moved at the beginning you already knew, that it was something about FF7, since the billboard said Midgard/Niflheim) I felt a bit ashamed. Its cringey, its part of the culture, but ultimately, I am not sure, how much it was faked, how cringey people in the gaming culture really are. I am not sure how many have played ff7/anything related to that, but it is amazing, that it so many people are aware of FF7 and its cult. I played it in 99, and replayed it a few times, and yes, it is a great game, but I found that there are better games out there and games which would deserve more recognition, than this game. E3/15 was pretty much, even though it was peppered with a misgiving sensation, pretty much the e3 which delivered of all time. Sony fucking killed everyone and anyone. The last guardian, Shenmue and ff7R and the release date of ff15 on one stage were simply legendary. Kudos for that, despite the fact, that I fucking hate sony… for reasons. They don’t really extend gaming, they just make it more accessible to the mainstream. They are very good in that, but they don’t really fulfil the needs of gamers. Good service? (PSN outage, PSN in general) Build quality? (ps3 YLOD, ps4 shit controller as well as battery life) making good long-term-IPs? (every Gen mascots are created and killed, not sure if this is intentional)

Of course, due my age and my “busy-ness” iam not able to enjoy the games as fully as I used to, I might have over 150 unplayed and sealed games, just a guess, but I still enjoy the sessions I have. Having a dedicated handheld such as a 3ds or vita, which have a sleep-mode are a delight, which is perfect for my short-burst-game-sessions during the week. Mobile and f2p have killed a lot of companies, the Japanese companies have retreated to their own markets due the fact, that the west (EU/US) does not tend to spend money on gacha-games or in general for mobile game upgrades. The discrepancy between iOS and Android is alarmingly humongous, which makes certain companies not releasing some games at all.

Monument Valley2, Framed2 were released a couple of days ago on iOS, before the E3 started. The predecessors were phenomenally great games, and these two were released for the newest iOS versions, which I do not own right now. There is still a clear line between traditional games on the E3 and the mobile/f2p-space which just does not give a fuck, when and were games are released. Android is not even a competitor because games are blatantly pirated as well as most people don’t even want to pay money on that platform. E3 does play a role here at all. Apple prominently displays the game on the front shelf, so no need for any additional advertisements nor reviews or displays. The success shows, that traditional ways of marketing are not needed anymore and some games are even making more money with DLC/IAP than with the actual release of the game. For the most part I ignore those games, but the mentioned two above as well as mostly all games of SIMOGO as an example shows me, how you can create great games on iOS.

I will start writing more about the development, which upsets me on NeoGAF, than trying to write about my stupid life, which is simply not changing at all.

Last thing I want to write about is the

30th Anniversary of The Legend of Zelda Concert-Album

which was released some time ago. I uploaded a similar CD a few years ago, but this here was created/done last year and it has some very good pieces on it. It is a shame, that I could not attend the concert, since all the fucking tickets were sold out instantly. Nintendo always fails to give enough opportunities for fans to show up for something.


I uploaded the CD and hope you enjoy it as much as I did. My artist of the year is Veronica Maggio so far, but the Piano album from Shimomura and this Zelda Album will be ranked very high this year if not the TOP 3.

Hope you enjoy it.