September’s gonna be hawt!

September 4, 2017

Hey there,

Its been a while since I uploaded something. Some stuff happened in the last few weeks and I do not know where to start.
Well lets try it with this: I have not played much of all the backlog lately. Even though I had a lot of fun seeing all the games stashed in the last 12 months I was away from Germany (I usually send all the physical goods to my videogamebasement) it is always a pleasure to unbox/have your awesome collection in the palm of your hand (almost of course, since all the big shit is too big to fit). Despite this fact, I do not have any time at all to play all that goodness. Oh and here we have some chaos I am not able to clear out:

I recently started the last guardian and doom 2016. The last guardian is such a huge disappointment. While I really enjoyed shadow of the colossus,(ico was meh) tlg is again not as good as I thought. I love the atmosphere, but the beast sucks, the controls do suck, the “go this way” function in the game is just… widerspenstig. The beast called trico is resisting all day while you have to bend your mind to get your shit done. Additionally, the camera sucks even more and sometimes goes sort of blank. What a weird way of showing how the control/camera will not budge as you please. Very disappointed but I still want to finish this piece of garbage. I would love to whip the ass of fumito ueda for this crap, but then again, he tries out things no one else does in the industry, so he saves himself. Thanks for being courageous.

Doom on the other hand: i did not have any expectations and boy is this game good.
60fps goodness, the gameplay is fluid, it just fucking clicks. What a blast. Iam not the big FPS-fan, but this game just rocks. And I paid only 10 pounds, so I cannot complain at all. What a great package with all the weird free-for-all-DLC.

Once I have finished those games, I would love to start gravity rush 2, since gravity rush 1 for psvita was my game of the vita of all time. The first game, I played the shit out of it. It was just the best game, and fucking dedicated vita title which almost no one played. I didn’t hear anything about part 2 but iam very glad that it came out.

Otherwise I pre-ordered/bought the following things even though I am completely broke:
-SNES mini classic
-Metroid Samus Returns Limited Edition

lately I have not been excited about any upcoming titles. There are tons of games for the switch I would love to play, but I simply do not have the money nor time.

Splatoon2 and arms are fucking must haves for the switch… and Mario is around the corner… boy this will catapult Nintendo again to the no. 1 of all consoles, hopefully!

Except that a few days ago this was released:


So this is my gaming situation, more hype and reading up about videogames than actually playing

Next topic:


Unbelievable how this guy gets me every time. How I get triggered so many times. It is very interesting to talk about this topic, since so many people have so many diverse opinions about this. Trump is actually destroying the reputation of the US. And I think this is good. The “we are the good guys” fades out. FINALLY. Everyone out there on this planet knows it except the US themselves. Now there is one guy who still wants to be seen outside as the good except for doing anything for it. Great choice, if you’d ask me. The US needs to fade out, their presence sparked so much shit. I am very thankful for the elimination of the Nazis back then thanks to the US/SOVIET/anyone not mentioned here. But now the US should go back to the third world country state they belong to. It is unbelievable how such a country can spout so much horseshit and still taken seriously. They try to preach to everyone about human rights and freedom of speech, while trying to bust anyone who talks shit about the president or anything else in the US. Oh and don’t forget how they treat people who are not white/Caucasian/Christian. So yeah, anyone out there needs to actively ignore these people. Please do not let them interfere with your affairs. This leads to the next topic, a hot one: north korea. North korea is a very isolated country. Their way how they are offending their archenemies has not changed in the last 30 years. You could set your clock, when NK was again trying to provoke anyone in their reachability or in some cases the US. This is a strategy from the cold war back then the US did with everyone in the soviet union/socialist/communist countries. While back then it was quite common, we outgrew it (thanks to the muslim terror these days)
North korea was always the aggressive part being the one not wanting to be occupied(=their language, but to be translated into something, we are able to understand: as an autark country, they try to have as less influence as possible, in a globalized world, it is near impossible not to have any influence from other countries) north korea used those deterrence methods from the age of the cold war to show, that they can sustain themselves and as well as that they want to be taken serious by their enemies. It also works as a method for ransom. They show, what they got and their “enemies” pay them with food/goods so NK goes back into dormant mode. This has been done so many times, since no one on this planet took NK ever serious. NK actively never attacked anyone (except some incidents in SK as well as some kidnapping in Japan; but that’s another story… oh and of course some fled Koreans in other countries (kim jong nam)). I understand NK, as they are not interested in becoming an underdog in the global players game. Iran does play a similar role as NK here, but they of course have their own (religious, unfortunately, because the iran before the revolution must have been awesome) reasons. I am very fascinated by NK… the reason why this time it is different is the fact, that the US president for the first time since Reagan, is equally retarded as the dictator in NK. US would never take NK “serious” since that country is one of the poorest countries in the world with a decreasing population of 20mio. NK killed more than 10% of the population (some numbers even said up to 5mio) in the infamous famine between 94-98, thanks to kim jong ils retarded organisation. So now we have trump, really having ill intentions of eradicating opposing countries off the earth. I would love to see that, and I would love to see serious damage done to the US by NK.
But I also know, it will not happen, as the last 30 years. NK knows they will get fucked for eternity, the US knows, if they start a war in NE-Asia, China as well as Japan will sanction the shit out of the US, that will hit the US very hard, and I really hope, that the US will not recover from that. It would be a very nice change of heart to see them struggle for the first time in history. The US never struggled, except for racial tensions. And even those racial tensions are sort of a taboo in the US, which is very sad. Most people say that there is no such thing existing in the US which makes it all the way worse. What I find very shameful is the Asian community in the US being secluded from anyone trying to show how superior they are, reigning supreme above the average joe who barely finished high school. Even though saying and being a melting pot, the US, to this very day, is the biggest lie in the history of man. Being the country with the most conflict setting up passively as well as actively, built and making money on the blood of others. I am so ashamed for being a fan as a kid of the US for a very long time. Now, after understanding a tiny bit, of how big of a shitshow this country is, I am disgusted as well as disappointed, how the world is being run, hence my point of NK having a right to deter themselves from the US. It is very sad that most people do not have that much knowledge of what is actually going on. China as well as Japan said a few weeks ago, that if the US should try to invoke an Asian “Middle East”, China will make sure to let them know. Those are more than clear words of what is going on, and China being very concerned about NK as well as the US.

Germany on the other hand needs to take its stick out of its ass to take its leader role in at least Europe. I would have never imagined to say that Germany needs to lead again (because it sounds very nazi to me) but seeing how incompetent most other shit countries are (Poland or UK) there needs to be a country with a half decent amount of brain, thinking straight with no war or racist horseshit in mind. And there is no proper country out there except Germany (and france). Germany is going to elect its chancellor and political party at the end of the month and you can feel the tension how proper people are afraid that the right wing-parties might gain more seats in the parliament. It is mind boggling, how the right wing parties do not even have a proper program, nor are they in any way a democratic party at all. For anyone with a school degree, you are able to realize that half of their political program will affect any even biological german person too in a negative way. Not trying to thrive towards Europe is pretty much a death sentence since globalisation is being done in big steps and there is no way to avoid that. To avoid globalisation means to become north korea, more or less. Even though merkel/Germany/Europe did some bad things during the beginning of the refugee crisis(letting everyone in without proper border control, not throwing out the lying people from Romania, Bulgaria, eastern Europe, oh and all the fake-refugees who register as many times as possible to get all the welfare money… but that is not the main problem. My main problem is not to implement the need of leitkultur in Germany. Again this is a nazi term, but iam a master of words, and i’d love me some new coining of such negative connoted words. Leitkultur is very needed in this day in age. There are Nazis, reichsbürger, fascists as well as too religious people who do not acknowledge basic rules of society which ensure a peaceful togetherness. That is why I want to see leitkultur becoming reality. My problem is that leitkultur sounds like there is someone telling another person, that they are doing something wrong. No. leitkultur needs to be something which can be established and transformed into the new Deutschsein. This means accepting, acknowledging the Grundgesetz as the no.1. after that there is the language which is really why we are here in Germany. There is no such thing as a true german: a Holstein-person is more Danish person, than a Bavarian person. And vice versa with Austria. Being German means a lot and does not mean anything at the end of the day. For me, a german person is a bright, smart and interesting person with a sharp mind being tolerant and open towards every and anything out there. This is how a lot of german people are when they are traveling outside of Germany. The picture inside of Germany of german people is different: a true german must be white, tall, blue eyed and some have even worse nazi imaginations. I get asked plenty of times why I am able to speak german IN FUCKING GERMANY. Every time I hear that, I would love to kick their brains into oblivion for that. But back to the topic: There were a few rules posted a few weeks ago about what being german is, but I don’t remember all of them despite some of them being weird as that one rule of having the freedom of religion. I have to say: I do not care about religion, and islam is right now testing the principles and the foundations of this in Germany and elsewhere in the world. I find it very disappointing of a lot of muslim people to see them being radiosilent when it comes to say if they are against or for ISIS. There is a silent majority, according to some outlets who are agreeing with ISIS which is why iam a bit… wondering if this might be true or not. These muslim people have a right to be radio silent, but on the other hand, there are radical people telling anyone out there who do not have a clue about islam, that the infidels have to die… which is why they need to become active and telling the folks that ISIS is a bunch of hissifucks.
Freedom of religion is getting tested which is nice to see the paragraphs being tested, on the other hand, we see the boundaries of that. People are dying or living fear because of that. Every religion should be equal. No religion should cause fear or should reign supreme above all others. I do not want that. And this is right now a world-wide problem. Muslims being not compatible to any society outside of their origin. I don’t want to deny any person to any circle. Every person and any group or culture can enrich everyone. But when a certain group daunts you to be tolerant to them, while them bullying you, I think this is where the mark is being crossed. This is happening partially in france, which I find very sad. Same thing happens in Sweden where the Swedish police has trouble to find the right ways to address those issues. These issues need to be solved by both groups: the muslim community as well as the the domestic groups.
I do not see enough effort of the muslim communities trying to deal with this. Most of the time they feel being the victims, while being the perpetrator at the same time. A very complex topic, which I yet have not fully understood. Germany still has a fairly good position, yet I would love to see more engagement from any participating group to solve and live a peaceful life in this country, because that is achievable and not just some utopian dream. I don’t want to live in a country full of patrolled streets, police, violence and fear.

After a bunch of rambling, I would love to post two more things: music.
I don’t want to go to much into details, because I would love to write about that in the next blog post, but here is a music video which I loved a lot when it was released. The style, the music, the atsmophere and those frilly 80s oozing outfits… pretty much on point and very perfect right now. The best MV so far for this year. I am no fan of Girls Generation but they look so great in that video.

next one is another Kingdom Hearts Album. It is called first breath and was released last week. Yoko shimomura impresses me with everything videogame-related. She is the legacy of uematsu. good buddha, i have the feeling, that iam the only person who listens to this kind of stuff, pretty much no one has this kind of taste of music….




Juli 12, 2017

Another Blog.

I have arrived back in Germany. I feel sad, I should feel relieved, but I don’t. Germany, or better the area, where I was originally born and lived until moving to Hamburg… holy shit I never realized how much of a human garbage hole this is. People look like their parents did incest. I mean, I usually don’t care, but after Sweden I realize how good looking the people in Malmö/Sweden were. Sporty and fit people. The only downside were the atrocious make-ups but even that was better than the shit I must bear here in Heilbronn. I can’t believe how ugly can be. I am legit shocked. I feel like a too good looking person and being too smart. I realized in the last 12 months, that you are more or less able to find out about the attractiveness and the IQ of a person by having a closer look at their face, their gestures as well as how they use their voice. I had these kinds of thoughts deep inside me but never urged me the feeling of writing them down after verifying the shocking truth on the day of my arrival back in germany. This becomes another sad fact why I don’t feel welcome why I don’t feel myself at home, why I don’t feel myself comfortable at all. I would love to “arrive” somewhere. I would love to stay for longer than 12months at one place and built something. Right now, thanks to difficulties of my studies, my financial situation and just the fact that I don’t feel good at all, I don’t know where to start at this construction site which is pretty much my life. When I was still in high school, I read, that people who are unable to find a partner in school or in uni, there is an 80% chance that those people will never find a partner, ever. Back then I laughed how retarded these people must be to become such degenerated fucks.


So I don’t feel well at all these days. Plus my parents aren’t really the best persons to be around at all. So I am really trapped here without having much of a choice.

Three topics I want to write about, which has been occurring very recently:


Again, this fucking topic. I fucking hate to talk about this, but there is a necessity that this topic is very ambivalent. DLC has been a topic for years, now after the recent Mass Effect: Andromeda, which was not received very well due to the glitchy nature of this game’s release. Bioware announced surprisingly that they will not release any story related DLC.
Yes, exactly. A nice move, if you’d ask me so you have the full package when it comes to the story part. No one should actually be angry about this, the MP-part is different since most companies depend on the longevity of the MP to have a longer revenue coming along. Unfortunately after the breakdown and the disappointment which andromeda was, fans/the public were crying out loud for the fact that there will be no story-related DLC. I really lost it.
“Gamers” are just retarded.

Part 2 Remakes

Remakes, Remasters, HD Collections and so on have been going on for quite some while. While this is nothing new and has been done since the first console system, the game changed during the ps360-era. Companies used a lot of energy and effort to “remaster” or to “remake” games in a very good way. The only shining example which pops up is the Resident Evil Remake. After 6 or 7 years Capcom did a major overhaul for this franchise and created by far the best remake ever. New graphics, everything was better than the original. Wow.
Now we have come a long way: remakes remasters can be done in a bad way too: ff10/x-2, the weird silent hill remaster, prince of Persia collection as well as the splinter cell games which can’t be played online. Now the icing on the cake happened in this month:
-Crash trilogy, fully remastered, a very good compilation hit no.1 on the selling charts.
-Wipeout omega collection was no.1 on the selling charts.
-Those two games sold more units than any other no.1 in this year.
What does that mean?
Well it means, that gamers are old and are not really interested in new games anymore. Most People rather play these days their old well known games than diving into a new experience. I think this is very sad, since I always love to dive into new games. I rarely play a game two times. I usually play except some mp-games NOTHING more than it is needed. I rarely do a 100% run since its tiring to collect all shit in the game and not really rewarded. We already live in the dark timeline since bubsy returns and ff7 will be remade in an episodic format. As a fan, you can’t tolerate such horseshit. Well but as a mindless goon or brainless fanboy you will be always on the side of the publisher who is interested in milking their customers as hardcore as possible.

Part 3 People asking for the death of system X

I think I never heard it more clear than today of people asking for a system to die because it is simply too old. People constantly ask for the death of the original X1 or 3ds so many times, I don’t know where this comes from. NeoGAF has become sure a weird playground for “gamers”. The 3ds is still doing ok, it sells ok, it has survived so far and it still gets games, better than ever before. Yet people ask for its death. WHY? I don’t get it. The system is not the best, but a system defines itself through the utilization and their games. The 3ds is one hell of a monster, it is not as good as the original ds, but still a great system. With the new 3ds, had my second coming, I played the shit out of monster hunter and enjoyed more games than I thought. Yet people are asking for the system to die and Nintendo completely focusing on the switch. The switch is sold out in the US, but is not as well selling so far as it should. We will see in which direction this gets.
The same goes for people asking for the death of x1. Yes, it wasn’t the best, but I think MS developed a far better controller than ever before and did still receive a lot of shit from “gamers”. Sony released a sub-successor of the dualshock, with bad rubber, with the worst battery life of any controller ever, with no analog buttons anymore oh and with the light and the touchpad which isn’t being used in 90% of the games. Oh and guess what: the are getting praised for doing such a great job. Oh and while we are at it, their services have had so many maintenance or down times, while ms was working more or less fine. There was a website with more or less accurate sources which said that more than half of the ps+-subscribers do not care about the selection of the games or the games at all.
90% if the selection is indeed garbage which I might have never bought. Every second or third month there is one game, which I would have bought, or I already own, so there is that. Wishing the death of a system for no good reason is stupid and I really dislike this. I hate sony for being retarded, but as much as I hate sony, iam grateful, that they exist and have “revitalized” the market as well as broadened their focus and targetgroup. The brought gaming into mainstream markets.
This is pretty much my rant for july, no music worth to share except that I hate summer, I hate warmth and I feel desperately alone while not getting my shit done.
I hate you all and peace out.

Taste of Sweden by ExpediaSE

E3 – The Month of the year….?

Juni 19, 2017

Hey there,

i found some time, to write about the E3. Every year, since… 1995 i am hyped for E3. Electronic Entertainment Expo, always somewhere in Atlanta, then after some changes in LA. They also changed their concepts quite a few times, companies came and went and… came again. Within the last few years, we had quite some dramatic changes going on seeing long and lost games uprising again and being released, such as the last guardian, ff15 and one of the poorer examples such as duke nukem forever.

gaming culture changed that much in the past few years, that i started to distance myself being a gamer, calling myself a gamer, or even deny being associated as a gamer in any way. #gamergate, EA, Activision, Ubi Soft, Sony and Ms have alienated me quite a lot as a very long time and passionate person about videogames. Schemes in the biz such as payed online services from Sony (Microsoft is fine, because they always charged for their service and their service was always better than any service out there, while Sony started ps+ for ps4, so online-gaming got behind a paywall despite the fact, that their service is still shitty, they still had until recently „maintenance“, which is unacceptable for such a service. i don’t care about the free games, since most of them just weird shit no one cares about or games, so old, that they were so many times on sale, that most people interested would have bought them anyway so ps+ is just garbage, but people defending it, made me lose faith in humanity. the icing on the cake was when sony announced to up the sub 10$(for the US), because it’s worth it. yes, go fuck yourself)

Microsoft redeemed themselves with so many awesome things lately. X1S, releasing a slimmed down version, with a 4k-Blu-Ray-player is unbelievable. their game pass is also a nice addition as well as ea access, which is for anyone who is interested in ea titles, while this shit is not forced on the others.

Other than that, MS has delivered the ultimate 4k-system, after sony’s weird way of dealing with it:

A ps pro, which can’t deliver a better performance for every game, nor does it work properly without an output patch. For a company which lies their focus more and more on the playstation-brand, I am quite shocked, that no one actually complains about this. SonyVR and ps pro do not have a high adoption rate, but for products, which might define the future, the quality and support is really lacking.

Back to topic, the E3. This year’s E3 wasn’t very spectacular. Sony delivered a very disappointing trailer show, with next to no presentation nor moderation. If you just show us trailers, what’s the point of being an attendee at all? The games, they presented were just the usual games successors, with almost no surprises or new IPs. The shadow of the colossus remake and Spiderman were the only ones, which stood out, for me. No news about FF7R, Shenmue3 or the I&IIHD, or any new games which would make me feel excited. While MS wasn’t any better, they had some exclusives which were quite good and stood out. Not more than Sony, but for MS’ standards, that was quite an effort. Cuphead, Ori and DragonBall Fighter Z were my personal highlights of this years E3, next to the urge, that I want to buy the most powerful “monster” of an Xbox One X, which can be abbreviated as X or XbOX (nice pun, MS). Nintendo was absent, as always when it comes to a LIVE show on the E3, but they had a showfloor. Their traditional tree house presentation, a pre-recorded 30minutes show with funny meme-induced stuff was as pleasant as always, but also well… not full of real surprises:

Super Mario Odyssey, Metroid Prime 4, Metroid: Samus Returns, Splatoon 2, Arms were the ones, which stood out. I really want a Switch, and I really want all of those games. The same critic applies here too: Just successors of old games and no “real” new games.

Metroid is the only real surprise, since the last Metroid game was released over 10 years ago for wii. Some people do not consider federation force on the 3ds as a real Metroid, but it is. A 2d Metroid is even older, I think the last one was released in 03/04. So with Samus Returns, Nintendo actually completely delivers.

One point, which made me furious, and showed me, that gaming has changed quite a bit, is the fact that people were upset about that fact, that Nintendo showed the Metroid prime 4 logo, but nothing else. The game is in development, and they were happy to announce it.

I remember in the 90s, magazines were full of announcement and everyone was anticipating game-screenshots or any tids and bits in the next issue of a gamemag. Now, if you don’t get already some finished pictures or a demo with a game-announcement, people get annoyed. I find this kind of development very sad. I loved these kind of hype-announcements so people would get really excited to see stuff going on.

There were times, when games were announced and never released, or they were changed so much from the original vision. It was sooooo much fun to see the change and the process of a game being made, a lot of inside and exclusive interviews with certain mags or exclusive screenshots and whatever.

Now, I read on NeoGAF, people don’t want that anymore. People don’t want to get hyped too early, people don’t want to see a game in a too early stage with stuff shown to the public, only to see it later being not implemented into games. My biggest offender is the fact that No Man’s Sky has deceived gamers in a way, that companies and gamers don’t want to get exposed and hopes all to high only to be let down with the final product. One the one side, I cant blame them, on the other hand, I see this as a part of videogameculture getting lost. Hype is and was always a huge part of gaming. Getting hyped was what made gaming great. I loved being hyped for most of the time for specific games. I was so hyped for countless games back in the 90s and early 00s. Since 2010s I can tell you that I didn’t get hyped for too many titles. Now with the PS4/X1 which are more similar than ever before, there are barely any games I really would be hyped for. E3 this year was really a let-down. We see the professionalism, with less cringey moments(of the moderators), with gamer’s who behave like Sony is Jesus (the guys who were bowing in the Sony conference) or the E3 FF7R moment, when people started to cry, when it was announced (funny to see the reactions, that the people didn’t realize the game until the last moments of the trailer, when the camera moved at the beginning you already knew, that it was something about FF7, since the billboard said Midgard/Niflheim) I felt a bit ashamed. Its cringey, its part of the culture, but ultimately, I am not sure, how much it was faked, how cringey people in the gaming culture really are. I am not sure how many have played ff7/anything related to that, but it is amazing, that it so many people are aware of FF7 and its cult. I played it in 99, and replayed it a few times, and yes, it is a great game, but I found that there are better games out there and games which would deserve more recognition, than this game. E3/15 was pretty much, even though it was peppered with a misgiving sensation, pretty much the e3 which delivered of all time. Sony fucking killed everyone and anyone. The last guardian, Shenmue and ff7R and the release date of ff15 on one stage were simply legendary. Kudos for that, despite the fact, that I fucking hate sony… for reasons. They don’t really extend gaming, they just make it more accessible to the mainstream. They are very good in that, but they don’t really fulfil the needs of gamers. Good service? (PSN outage, PSN in general) Build quality? (ps3 YLOD, ps4 shit controller as well as battery life) making good long-term-IPs? (every Gen mascots are created and killed, not sure if this is intentional)

Of course, due my age and my “busy-ness” iam not able to enjoy the games as fully as I used to, I might have over 150 unplayed and sealed games, just a guess, but I still enjoy the sessions I have. Having a dedicated handheld such as a 3ds or vita, which have a sleep-mode are a delight, which is perfect for my short-burst-game-sessions during the week. Mobile and f2p have killed a lot of companies, the Japanese companies have retreated to their own markets due the fact, that the west (EU/US) does not tend to spend money on gacha-games or in general for mobile game upgrades. The discrepancy between iOS and Android is alarmingly humongous, which makes certain companies not releasing some games at all.

Monument Valley2, Framed2 were released a couple of days ago on iOS, before the E3 started. The predecessors were phenomenally great games, and these two were released for the newest iOS versions, which I do not own right now. There is still a clear line between traditional games on the E3 and the mobile/f2p-space which just does not give a fuck, when and were games are released. Android is not even a competitor because games are blatantly pirated as well as most people don’t even want to pay money on that platform. E3 does play a role here at all. Apple prominently displays the game on the front shelf, so no need for any additional advertisements nor reviews or displays. The success shows, that traditional ways of marketing are not needed anymore and some games are even making more money with DLC/IAP than with the actual release of the game. For the most part I ignore those games, but the mentioned two above as well as mostly all games of SIMOGO as an example shows me, how you can create great games on iOS.

I will start writing more about the development, which upsets me on NeoGAF, than trying to write about my stupid life, which is simply not changing at all.

Last thing I want to write about is the

30th Anniversary of The Legend of Zelda Concert-Album

which was released some time ago. I uploaded a similar CD a few years ago, but this here was created/done last year and it has some very good pieces on it. It is a shame, that I could not attend the concert, since all the fucking tickets were sold out instantly. Nintendo always fails to give enough opportunities for fans to show up for something.


I uploaded the CD and hope you enjoy it as much as I did. My artist of the year is Veronica Maggio so far, but the Piano album from Shimomura and this Zelda Album will be ranked very high this year if not the TOP 3.

Hope you enjoy it.

Sweden, will this be a good-bye?

Juni 8, 2017

Hey there,

I am not sure if this is catching the drift, I right now am in. but I try to find a structure to write down everything which is floating right now in my head:

  1. trump’s covfefe

it’s unbelievable, that he posted something which would assume that he tweeted something being drunk (he does not drink). People were making fun of it for days. My problem with it, was the fact, that media coverage about a really big topic went by the board. It is unbelievable how stupid media and the people themselves were/are. Why the fuck were you writing 3 days of a maybe “accidentally” sent tweet so much while trump signed that the paris climate treaty will be not be part of the US politics? The reasons were not mentioned days later. It was crucial, that this was literally after the “funny” trump-tweet. There is some thought behind that, that’s my assumption. Of course this pattern has been used before, but this is an obvious newer example, and I simply can’t wrap my head around this.

  1. my last days in Sweden

I will depart this month. I will go back to Germany. I fucked up my master to the point, that I have to submit my thesis next year. Unfortunately, I have to bridge this year somehow. I right now try to do as much as possible and I find it quite sad, how I have been spending my days in Sweden. Sweden is a really good country, and I was too retarded to see all this greatness. Sweden is a little bit more laid back, it’s not as stressed as Germany, it is despite its size so fucking progressive. There are so many vegans (I hate vegans), so many feminists (even guys, and yeah I hate feminists in general too) oh and Sweden took quite a lot of refugees (I hate refugees abusing such a generous system). Despite all this, I really started to cherish Sweden in all its glory. Sweden also cured to a big amount my yellow fever. I was and maybe still am very obsessed only with EASTASIAN beauties. Even though since I finished my bachelor it went back, it was like an obsession or addiction: sometimes I still was thinking about it or I reminisced about it. Today I feel more or less repaired, I don’t see that or them as the high valued standard as it was back then between 2004 till ca. 2014(?). Swedish people are less fat than german people. Swedish people are also less smelly than german people, obviously there aren’t many swedes existing, the country is less than 10 mio, so the few swedes are taking care of their bodies and their health. It is really interesting to see the contrast working this way. I went over the last weekend to Stockholm, to experience what is said in the region of Skåne the “posh and bad Swedish city.” I actually was surprised to see a very münchen-esque feeling with the visuals of hamburg, to define it in german terms. It’s very homogeneous there, it is really unbelievable how different Stockholm is from malmö, or from most parts of Germany. Very clean, the buildings have a very german/hanseatic look, but you clearly see, that they are definitely older. It is very cold in Stockholm during summer. Beginning of june in Stockholm, the weather was between 10-18° max. without a pullover it would have been maybe too cold. During the day, its possible to hang out with a t-shirt.

I was guessing, that it would have been a mild summerish weather, surrounding 15(in the night) and 25°(during the day). But still had some nice days there. I also found an arcade in Stockholm, which had VOLZZA, prop und 23 copula (unfortunately without internet). It was wonderful and I had a blast blowing 30€ into those arcademachines. So glad to see that this exists in Europe too. Kudos to the owner and whoever is interested, it is totally worth it. They have also some shooting cabinets, rhythm heaven and initial d. great. Almost my best day when I was in Stockholm. I was also actually going to Stockholm to a concert of Veronica Maggio (music is linked below). Last month I went to a Swedish club and I discovered one Swedish singer, which really stuck in my mind. Younha Reloaded 2.0. Except that I didn’t see the singer first. The voice is just very perfect: a base voice which sounds cool, and the singing voice is just a pleasant and a kind sounding voice. The singer is already a mum and going straight to her 40s. if it wouldn’t be for the voice, I wouldn’t find her attractive. But the voice just was a really surprise.

The styles of the videos are not very cool of her, but I like how she tries to catch the spirit of the 60-80s styled LPs with her album art. Here is one music video which I really liked:

(I also went to the street where it was shot, nothing special to see there)

I also uploaded all of her albums, but the quality is not as usual good 320kbits. I don’t know where to get Swedish music in quality, so this is the only stuff I was able to require.

So here some unusual music, no Kpop, Jpop or Soundtrack, but still quite some excuisite music!

Vatten och Bröd

Och vinnaren ar

Satan i gatan

Handen i fickan fast jag bryr mig

Den första är alltid gratis

but back to Sweden: I realized that I of course fucked it up again: I lived in Sweden, hanging out only with foreigners, living a bubble-life with no Swedish interaction and with almost no learning of Swedish stuff. Sad. Shame. This is what comes into my mind. On the other hand, I don’t want to blame only myself because I invited quite a few times some swedes over to hang out with me, I talked to swedes, so I did some effort and did the first step. Eventually I just started to get tired to get some swedes to talk to me. So, it is both ways. Me not putting enough effort, I guess, and swedes simply giving zero fucks, or I only met tons of shit-swedes (well not per se but I simply met people saying hey and bye with no real exchange of information or anything). Swedish as a language sounds very English/German. It is a Germanic language and you can see/hear the obvious similarities. I learned it a bit, and if I have time, I checked some vocabulary, but it was not satisfying to learn the language nor do I see a benefit of learning a declining language with a mere 9-10mio native speakers. The language sounds really fine, but there is no real benefit about it except if you live and work here.

After all, I think I started to like Sweden in this last month. Now. Summer. Swedish people are less stressed, I never came across any racist related issues here in Sweden. Swedish people are very progressive and prone to new ideas. I think this is such a role model system here. Swedish government is such a high taxing fuckery, but on the other hand, they do use all that tax money for the people. The whole system intrinsically insists on welfare. It is there to have a supporting system IN CASE IF anyone turns out to become jobless. I really find it ashaming, if people out there have bad intentions of abusing such a generous system. Helping people is good (refugees) but if people out there are interested only in hitting the dole, this is definitely bad. Please don’t make such a nice system collapse. It is a good willed system, where the government trusts in its inhabitants and the inhabitants trust their government. Germany has lost its touch, when it comes to that. The government tries to fuck over their people, and there are, despite the origin of the citizen enough people, trying to squeeze money out of the system. This makes a system crumble. The only foreseeable evolution to this miserable upcoming problem is now being developed in Finland: basic income. Every person gets money, just for their existing. It is enough for living, eating, paying rent in the most basic way. The taxes go a bit up, but otherwise the government will save a lot of capacities, time and the abilities of the government and its citizens will skyrocket. I think this will take a lot of pressure of people’s lives to actually not being concerned about how to survive and to be stressed about housing, rather than they would be more creative or more effectively work for something. Studies have proven that, but governments are afraid of implementing such a “commie” idea. It’s great to see Finland to implement this first, even though it is a test, which is being run right now. I hope, this becomes a future model everywhere to relieve stress in many parts of Europe. For such a model and system to exist, you need consistent governments, which will not work in most countries outside of EU, sadly. Sweden might become the second one, and I sort of admire this way of life, that Sweden and swedes are living such a peaceful life. I can’t believe swedes were thousand years ago what ISIS is now: rampaging, raping bunch of savages trying to go havoc in foreign countries. It is interesting how swedes have also developed new ways of living together without going complete borderline bullshit, but I think it is too early to have a good review about all these facets without knowing a bunch of details and some other historic sidenotes.

  1. building a company and becoming an adult

I have turned thirty years old now.

I can’t believe it. I don’t know how I survived it until now. Life sucks really hard. When I entered the age of high school, I wanted to do so many things, I had many ideas in my mind, my energy and my endless thrive were limitless. Now I see change all around myself:

People getting married, getting divorced, people die, friends becoming bald, having health problems, social things which are not talked about, friends who simply aren’t interested in hanging out because being social simply costs a lot of energy and effort and so on. All people around me have almost found what they wanted to for life. I am still on the search, and I stopped believing in finding what I want. Believing is the wrong wording, my research has shown me, that I am not a compatible human being to the rest of the world. I don’t know why, but I always aim high and I don’t see myself lowering the standards. I always want to be surrounded by people who are smarter than me. On the other side, I see people, who don’t get comfortable, if they are discussing or arguing or in general talking about non-light-hearted topics. I think this is very sad. Discussing and arguing is the highest form of exchanging information, if you would ask me. I enjoy this and I see this as the best way of learning. The internet has become better, but that does not mean better for communicating between humans, sadly. I am still having trouble with the same topics as I struggled almost 15 years ago. Back then, I was believing, it will sort out once I hit a certain age. Then I believed for a long time, that the surroundings, i.e. friends will help me solve these riddles of life, as I saw it in tv shows. Sadly, this is not the case. Instead everyone has isolated themselves, maybe me too and we are trying to just make ourselves comfortable without paying too much attention to our lefts and rights and our surroundings. I think this is not a good development. I am not sure, but is what I am asking for too much? Is humanity destined to destroy itself through war, politics and through isolating oneself from the others? What is it what makes us unable to connect? Why are we having trouble to communicate on a level so everyone and anyone can understand each other? With facebook a lot of people, myself included thought the digital communication-revolution has happened. It took almost 10 years to really blow facebook out of the water and become an international tool. By the year of 2012 I realized that facebook is not the tool, I was hoping for. I saw it destroying the communicationchannels more than helping to build one. People/couples/friends get in fights and arguments which do not lead to anything because of MAINLY facebook. On the internet, anyone can win an argument, but everyone is a loser except oneself. I realized the ability to read one’s comment does not necessarily mean that the receiving part has fully understood the intention of the answer. We as humans still haven’t mastered communication.

Back to the topic: on one hand, I think I am still interesting in exploring the depth of humanity, on the other hand I feel so fed up by it. It just kills of the mood, the energy and simply any tie. It makes you question yourself if you are really part of the the same species. I would go as far as saying that:


There you go, I said it. I think this will be reason one day I kill myself. FUCKING LITERALLY.

Founding a company with one of my best dudes is becoming quite a hardship. I am struggling with being able to define the companies purpose and logic within 5 sentences. This is a major indicating signal of becoming successful or not. Its really hard if you don’t know what and how and when you will be able to make money with a certain product which does not have any competitors. Some investors turned me down due the fact that our product has no (comparable) target audience, the idea is not scalable or simply would blow up to digest more money than suggested by me or the company. This is what I am trying to solve these days since this is giving me quite some headache after realizing, that my master did not turn out the way I have planned it. First it isn’t what I have hoped for, second it gets delayed for about a year until I will hold it in my hands, and third, even with my master, will this prepare me for the hardships which are still awaiting? I still haven’t hit the job market, it terrifies me working and living a boring 9to5-job life, with no bigger events occurring, no bigger exchange and fluctuation of humans. I am 30. I am past the time to meet people. Individuals in my age usually have prepared everything for the rest of their lives or they have settled most things so far regarding planning out their life or family. My life feels like a construction site which gets constantly bulldozer’ed the shit out of it. Once the dust has settled you already see the next shitstorm at the horizon coming up. There is still the urge to be a part of the major paradigm shift which definitely needs to happen to change its traditional role models. On the other hand, I want to live a without stress with a waifu(i am at the point where i would be ok with a person who looks like veronica maggio, as long as she has a good voice and is smart) and a steady schedule without worrying that I have to move AGAIN in 1-5 years to another place/job/persons. I have invested so much energy into so many things, but I don’t see any significant outcomes so far. The people around me don’t care or are not aware of these kinds of things. I don’t know how to create more awareness of such things unless I take a shovel and slap it into each person’s face. This is where I am and there I thought with 30 you will fully be matured and have the wisdom in the palm of your hands.


Mai 9, 2017

Iam not in the mood of writing something awesome, just want to leave the OST here, which i just found (was already released more than a month ago)

Oh and its not just one OST, its three:

3 in 1=
-Yuukyuu no Reflesia

After more than 2 years, they finally released some reflec beat stuff:
4 Discs full of neat music!



April 27, 2017

Hey, it has been quite some time.

I want to talk about quite some topics, but let’s try to start slowly.
I turn 30 this year, and for about half a year I shat my pants about this fact. I also realized the infinite amount of energy I was able to mobilize or invest in things is not anymore available these days. I can’t give a shit about so many things anymore. I can’t download and invest time into every shitty release of OSTs, jpop, kpop, manga, anime, general shit around videogames anymore as I used to. It’s not just about my hobby, it’s also about my life as well. I can’t invest so much time and energy into people, who will never acknowledge me. It is so sad, but I sort of finally try to get this. There will never be such thing as an equal amount of friendship feelings or something which can be made visibly countable exchanged between people or friends or whoever has a relationship. You can’t force people to hang out with you or like you, you can force yourself upon them, but it’s up to you, if you can withstand the invisible wall of hurdles to make yourself go through these awkward moments. And even after making yourself going all through this, the outcoming of, if you are acknowledged in the end or if you are seen as a pain in the ass in the group of people you want to be surrounded with is uncertain. I would create the hypothesis, that becoming an adult is not necessarily easier today than back then, we just have more options these old days. While having options is the luxury we are able to enjoy, this requires the necessity of being able to comprehend, that we have this vast variety we can choose from and are not limited by it. And this also brings a lot of responsibility with those decisions. Becoming an adult was back then more streamlined: marrying until you are 20-25, the church, the society, the parents pretty much levelled the way for you to become a decent adult. Having ways and being weird was sort of outruled and outrained during the process of becoming an adult. There are good movies from the 70s and 80s showing how even though if you are the weird and muted kid in the street, you were still invited to the big parties where everyone attended.
Today, my little pony fans have their own little “bathe in your own feces”-party, where shit cant get worse. The balance between the normal and the weird has been separated in todays time. We have achieved freedom to become not just weird and excluded, we have created safe spaces to spread the retarded autism to anyone who only showed syntoms so far. We have forgotten how to become a decent adult. We don’t even know how to become one.
Becoming an adult has no limits anymore. It isn’t even a goal. You can walk around in sweaters, pyjamas, play with toys as a 40-50y ear old and no one fucking cares. We have achieved this freedom. We are living terrible single lives, we chose it, and we are fucking depressed and unhappy. Why is this like this? I don’t get it. The past 6 months, i slowly grew the urge of just leading a plain simple life with a wife, kids, a house and no more moving and anxiety of new challenges and people.
I have become a person, who doesn’t know who he is, where he comes from and where he will be in the future. And I feel, there is no way of becoming normal, or way to restore a status quo. It never existed in the beginning, I know. But the urge of having a better surrounding, an easier and more understandable surrounding, is what I wish for. This has become more and more impossible, as I become older. The goal of having a lot of cool people around me is fading. I realize, that most people aren’t really interested in that either. Most people have a couple of people they like or trust and aren’t really interested in meeting and having more people around them. I also saw couples, who are likely almost zero percent are interested in even hanging out with their friends or former groups. Facebook has advanced the fact, that people get more alienated than they have been already by other traits. Facebook should have made people easier to access thanks to internet, instead if someone NOT known writes you, you instantly get suspicious and likely will not trust that person. I have become aware of that when I deleted facebook in 2014. It was hard at the beginning, nice having more “felt freedom” but in the long run I realized, that I have become a ghost in real life: people ask me, when you don’t have facebook, if you are a perpetrator or something dodgy or shady. I feel shattered to realize that. Another bogus, I thought, I’d understand, was that racism might vanish, since we are living in such a globalized world.
Welp, I realize that having racism as a reason is not because people are racists per se, but it is seen as a complex to make a complicated, globalized world easier to understand and to protect oneself.
This is shocking, terrible and sad at the same time. To understand this, it takes some time. It makes me cry and it is so hard to believe, that people are behaving like this. This has nothing to do with the 19th/20th century racism, which is taught in schools. Iam disappointed, when people around me tell me, that racism doesn’t exist. If you are privileged as a white person, of course you don’t see or sense which kind of level it is used to hurt people, in a visible and invisible way.
But back to where I originally started: becoming old, seeing life passing by…
Iam usually a person, who hates wasting time, or any kind of waste. Now, as I grow older, and seeing my life passing by… I realized that you don’t have much time to live on this planet. Iam turning already 30 this summer. Half of my life is already wasted and gone. I haven’t achieved anything in those years. Most people die with 60-70, if you are healthy and live a happy, you make it past that, but I see tons of people die of heart attack, bad lifestyles and so on… and I feel that I haven’t achieved anything so far. I want to achieve, I want to create, I want to make something which will be surpassing something existing. I am right now in the process of creating something which might be something futuristic, but it takes a lot of… well factors which I am right now not in control of. It would be nice to see the birth of this “invention”.

Last but not least: iam terribly disappointed by the people iam right now surrounded with.
I fucked up my master registration (what actually happened: master thesis registration was in march, I asked at the end of February, if everything was correctly submitted which was confirmed by my professor. On 18th of april, after having worked on the thesis for around 1,5months, my professor writes me I have to submit a course paper from November ASAP. I read the email a few days later, I submit it. She tells me, it was too late and the master registration will be pulled back FOR ME. My master co-authors, whom I have to write with the master thesis were informed BEFORE me, hence they have withdrawn MY work and my RIGHTS on the google doc-files, while the professor tells me that I can register for next year. I couldn’t talk on that day and iam still visibly in shock right now), instead of helping me out with info, everyone has fucking gone radiosilent in the masters programme.


Like it was broadcasted to everyone not to talk or to distribute information to me. I asked a few friends around me, what they would do in that situation. Even THEM WENT SILENT or didn’t say much. Fuck, I thought, there has been something going on, why is everyone going full retard now?
I was really disappointed and completely devastated to see that friends, who I asked weren’t able to give me an answer or properly be available. This is a shameful act to approach people with such a delicate affair, but not having the decency to answer is even worse. I felt ashamed and disappointed. I really am at a loss here. I feel, that Sweden,malmö, this master, these past 9 months were a waste. These past months just showed me, that life is progressing faster, than expected. Iam not sure, if i should just look at it and say, fuck it, I just wasted 9 months, or if I should just cry, because the upcoming 12 months will be an added weight of wasted time too.
Iam so letdown of so many people around you lately. I really don’t know what to do. This is one of the lowest points in my life, and I am already fucking rock bottom. I don’t see any upward spiral happening in the near future. The older you get, the more doors arent opening up anymore. The remaining ones are getting closed slowly, too. I was wondering for a very long time, why people don’t want to meet people, or why they are simply not interested into “new” things. Now I sort of get it, but I don’t want to accept it. I still keep looking for new things to amaze me, but making all those negative experiences makes me just wonder, how long I can keep up the good spirit.
I don’t know for how much longer.

Last line: have some nice OST: Kingdom Hearts – Orchestra

This was a concert from last year in Paris, France. If I would have know it earlier, I would have gone there.
Great music, and great orchestrated pieces.

Finally some good music has arrived this year

März 1, 2017

Wow, three months, and there was no good music. even the jubeat ost, which i usually like was a disappointment. i sort of listened to less music than i do on average.
Here it is, finally:
Piano Collections FINAL FANTASY XV – 夜に満ちる律べ –


Taeyeon – My Voice


iam usually not much of a fan of SM Town or Girls Generation, but Taeyeon has been delivering for quite some time. i sort of started to like her stuff. Nice voice, and most of the stuff and videos arent just bearable, they are really good.

the final fantasy XV piano collection is just an eargasm. holy shit, why does this sound so good? i havent even played the game, but the soundtrack just fucking kills me completely. yoko is pretty much the best composer out there. it is unbelievable, what quality she squeezed out here. her piano stuff is just straight up dawg-shit. imm trippin, its that good.
iam going to buy this, thats for sure.

another more or less disappointing release of IIDX. i think they lost some quality. i love the artwork, but thats pretty much it.



Futurism Part 1

Februar 24, 2017

Long time no real thoughts, except the same depressive maniac way, I usually think. There have been lately some ncool information going on, such as the discovery of a new solar system, I don’t recall the name, but some earth-like planets were discovered, where pretty much the life, as we know it, might exist or we could survive there.


This made me remember the time, when I wrote some nice thoughts about how we as a society have to change. I think I wrote something like this before a few years back, but I write this one here again:

Education, the way we live now with taboos and stigmas and all this bullshit, all these weird rules, religion, politics, societal needs, habits, dos and donts… are all of course based on traditional rules and behaviours. All of that needs a major overhaul.


A few years back, when I was in dire thoughts, so business as usual, I came up with the idea of taking away children from families. At first a terrible thought, but then again read the full idea:

Children are gifted in 99,9% to suck up everything in their surroundings. They could become anything and learn everything, if done in the right way. As you might know, most parents do an ok-job, more than the half are doing a terrible job, and may only less than 10% are doing a splendid job. Parenting itself has changed in the last 50 years tremendously in most parts of the world, but there are still places on this planet, where parenting and teaching hasn’t changed for the last 200 years. The same goes for wasting the gift of a child to nothingness, thanks to unwillingness of the parents. It is proven, that the more a child grows up, the narrower its point of view will become. i can so relate to that, but I will come back to this later. Children have tons of time and energy to learn anything, its only a matter of how to teach it to the children. Some kids learn faster, some need another approach, some don’t like it, some don’t know what the point is. There actually needs to be a scientific field about this. But as far as I know, gamification and the idea of stepstones/milestones is just the tip of the iceberg and it just started recently to think like this and isn’t widely used for parenting at all. In fact there is not much going on. We have achieved different states of minds lately:

We don’t have to bring kids to keep us alive, we don’t need kids as a life insurance, and we don’t need kids only to keep the bloodline. On the other hand we have parents, who haven’t fulfilled their own dreams and try to recreate their dreams through their children: lost hopes of becoming a soccerstar, a drawer, a violin player or whatever. Other parents hope to make their children into moneymakers in the future. Then there is the majority of the human, who produce children, because it’s a social thing. Well, my neighbours have children, my parents are asking, and my wife/girlfriend is interested, so why not. Everything is legit, there is no problem in doing it like that.


Then there are different concepts of parenthood: parents, who try to be nice and see their children on the same level as them, try to treat them in the human way (even though the kids behave like borderline fucks), then there are parents who try to raise their children as slaves, and then there are parents, who beat the crap out of their children, because, well they don’t do, what the parents want them to do.

It is interesting how the European way of treating children has developed over the past few years. Teachers and pedagogues from all over the world come to Sweden and Germany to learn how to teach and how to treat children in the 21st century. Until I went to uni, I didn’t even know that this was a thing. I also learnt, that there were several concepts of teaching and educating children in the thriving beginning of the 20th century, but it died down when the financial crisis and wars kicked in. it’s sad, but it hasn’t changed much lately, yes there are some people telling you that kids don’t need to learn how to use a pencil and whatever… whenever someone brings an idea, the old traditionalists and nay-sayers talk those sometimes innovative ideas down. In the end, it only hurts the children’s abilities of learning. No one’s feeling responsible to flush down all those talented and gifted children’s abilities. I find this fairly sad.

So my point is, that china for the past 20 years has a quite communist approach of raising children, the select in a Darwinist way which children should be supported to become important people later in the government, and of course, once you are a member in the government, you can rest assure that you have a lot of money, power and wealth. This is not my point. My point is, that these children’s ability is fostered to the max. it’s unfortunate, that these children’s fate has been decided and they grow up with a fucked up and repressive childhood, but the government and parents make sure, that these gifted kids will become the next elite who will lead china into a better future. And so far, the last 20 years have proven, that they were right.


So the concept of raising children to foster their talents and abilities

paired up with

the positive things, only rich and caring parents, only the rich and elite in the west, are doing this should be a combined thing. There should be an institution doing this. taking the children AWAY from stupid and normal parents, to foster/breed/farm/grow real humans.

Its sounds gross, but I think the outcome will be enormous as well as the children will grow up much better than 90% are doing right now. Children, who show talents or gifts, will be directed and carefully taken care to make the most out of it. Children in general should have the abilities to see all possibilities available on this planet (or probably on the next one). Children should be taught what is good and what is bad, this institution shouldn’t consist of low-wage-teachers and pedagogues, as it is right now, it should be one of the highest payed jobs, because this is the future. We have enough space (literally) and possibilities. We could afford such a system to make human more social, more… not exploitable but to use all talents and gifts a human brings with him/her. Right now, we see so many people, who sit at home, doing redundant stupid jobs etc. Wouldn’t it be better to make use of the people who are useful?

Why I came up with this idea is, that I sometimes have the feeling and the belief, that thanks to my parents, teachers and surroundings, I never had the chance to use my full capable ways of doing things or addressing issues. There was always something holding me back. My parents never did much with me or tried to support me. The only thing they mostly said was: don’t piss us off, don’t piss the people around you off and go into your room and study. If you have done your homework, if there was not much to do, they told me this. so I remember spending hours and days with just looking out of the window or if I had the chance and possibility to replay my old videogames (that’s what I did out of boredom, I didn’t have many games to explore new things or topics). I got addicted earlier to videogames, so don’t think that this is how I got into vidya. My parents were poor or never cared that much about children. It was until may the 6th or 7th grade when I realized other children in class were treated differently and their parents did more for them than my parents did for me. I never questioned or asked my parents many questions because they rarely talked and they never talked casual things, mostly it was in a way how you would give out orders. So that is why I thought that there is something off.

And this is what I mean. The same thing about teachers: there are some teachers, who are nice and see the knowledge seeking soul behind a human. But I also met during school in the first few years racist teachers who told me, that as a guest (Gast, a term used until the late 90s for people with foreign background because Germans believed these people will eventually return to their country of origin or simply didn’t care) I should not harass germans(matter of fact I didn’t do anything, it was the another person disturbing the lecture or the other pupils). So I wouldn’t say my childhood was the best time of my life. I remember most of time just sitting around and doing nothing. There were days, when I could hang out with my friends, if they were free, because their parents always would hang out with them. I don’t want to blame my parents, since they didn’t know how to do it better, and they didn’t have the financial possibilities, but I blame, that even the possibilities and the things I asked, they never even dared to try them out. And I think there are worse and better examples of how children are wasting their spongy-time out there.

I also remember how at the end of high school, I felt like I could conquer the world, I felt open and fresh and I wanted to learn as many new and awesome things as possible. At the end of my bachelor degree, I have to say, that I felt like a broken dead man. All ideas and dreams shattered, disappointed by society, everything I wanted and I craved for was just a mere illusion. I felt devastated (even more than usual and even more just after graduating).

I felt, that all that talent, all the free spirit I had in me, all the interest in so many fields, was just dumped into the gutter.


Before I drift off to the usual mumbling, I want to say, that society and your surroundings are draining the energy for all these new ideas and impressions you would like to have. It is forming you, the way THEY would like you to have. So if you are not wanted or not show signs of their interests, then you are F U C K E D.


Of course there is the point of telling that a struggle makes a character and person stronger, but there are lot of indications that actually there are a lot more sensitive people than the majority might believe. Have a look of how many people love their privacy and their “leave me alone”-attitude. This is just one.


My point is, that if children would get all the care they would need, huggings, music, video, games, building, constructing, reading, thinking, sports everything they would slightly be interested in, and anything imaginable to support and foster them to make the impossible possible….

Then I think we would have progressed into the future. But we haven’t. we allow stupidity to grow, we let people stay stupid, we allow the elite to treat their children well so the poor people can be envious about that. WHY?

We have enough money and enough wealth and capacities, why not feed/foster/nurture what could do the impossible possible?

Why do we hate each other this much to keep off each other from our grounds?

It is so sad to see, and it breaks my heart (yes, sometimes I have) to see, how some parents/people are treating children. Never allowing them things, you clearly see the disappointment in the small souls of these not experienced characters. Why are these heartless parents and people around those youngsters so harsh? I really don’t get this.

Same goes for schools and universities. Maybe it’s just me, never having these possibilities, but it makes my blood boil and at the same time I would love to kill myself over the fact that there is literally no progress. In every country, children get treated differently. It also depends on how much money and time parents are willing to shelve off to “invest” into their children.


What I had in mind, was something like a boarding school. But not, when the children are starting to learn… it should be much earlier.

Groups of 5 children each, 3 teachers/educators are taking care of them 24/7. Giving them any impression possible to foster them as much as possible.

And its not about a schooling them, but to give them the full possibilities to develop everything what a human can develop.

Since children need one person they are orienting themselves to, children with high capabilities should be ranked and fostered more into certain directions every three months. There should be some sort of ranking system, but with no clear and obvious “competition”. The clear goal of this boarding school idea, is not learning, but the experiencing and making everything possible out of yourself. And its not just living your life but how to treat others as well as, if there is a clear lack of something, or problems occurring, that these educators/teachers are taking care of that. This is mostly missing when it comes to parenting and educating children. The child should never feel left alone with his or her problems. And this is where the boarding school should become revolutionary.

The government and parents should embrace the idea of giving the children to these institutions to not just raise everyone equally but to make elegant and noble future citizens out of them. Instead I see depressive friends, happy people, or couple who are together for the sake of not being alone. It should prevent all social diseaces we right now have, thanks to society and parents who fucked up the education of the children. Same goes to schools, environments of not taking care of members of the society. Instead, we enjoy seeing each other suffer. In the long-term, everyone sort of suffers or likes seeing someone to suffer, without publicly saying this. and this is where this kind of boarding school comes into play, so if such bad behaviour or symptoms are seen, it can be taken care of. It would be the utopia of raising the future generation of human. Nothing left out and government will happily spend dozens of millions to support a system, where no one in the society does bullshit or uses prejudices against each other. And even better, the society itself will strengthen up.


The only bad outcome would be, that parents, will give up their children and only will see them at certain occasions. Not even on the weekends. Its sad, but I would even say, take away children from poor and mentally not good parents to be on the safe side. There is no guarantee for that but weatlthy and rich parents might have a tendency to fuck it up too, so don’t just strip children of poor parents but all of them.

Misgyny and other shit

Februar 10, 2017


Today I want to write something which made me upset.

I saw the TED-talk of Ashley judd. While she brought some interesting points, it is sad to see that women still do not know their own problems before blaming others.

So first things first: Ashley judd talks about about misogyny in social media, violence and rape culture how it is these days “celebrated”. Talking shit about females has become normal, sexifying is a normal thing and sex sells is now out of control. Reading things like “I would come in her face so hard and I would do unforgivable things to her” is totally normal, as she claims. The same goes for judging females for looking good or not looking good. Rape or violence to females is not prosecuted as good as it should be. The authority is also not aware of most things, as she says, there were some cases were authorities in the US were asking what twitter was or included in the variety of usable communication ways a telegraph. While some points are valid, some points are right, I feel terribly cringy to hear the same excuse over and over again:

Patricharchy, sex culture, rape is ok, females are always the victims, we don’t have any rights, we don’t have a voice, we cannot do anything blabla bla.

There are so many cases of victims of male who get trashed by their girlfriends or prosecuted for false accusations of some vicious girls/women. There are problems on both sides. I do not want to take sides of the MRA, the men right activists since I cannot agree with them and their appearance is simply too cringy to bear. While they do it in a weird fashion, I agree with some of their points:

Most men never go to the police if they face domestic violence of females

Men are more likely to be depressive, single, suicidal because of getting dumped by a female

Men get charged if they are divorcing from their wife. It’s in less than 30% that the wife has to pay or even have a split bill in those cases.

Of course women are just talking about, they are the only victims and there is nothing else.

Think about all those taboos and things you are simply overlooking: what about all those virgins out there? Guess what, it is just poor guys jerking off to porn, never even touched a girl.

Girls can be ugly as fuck, it is not the guys who are judging you, it is your own kind who is not kind to you. Statistically there are more females who are looking down on other ugly females than males. We still live in a society where the guy has to do the first step to get in touch with a girl, has to pay for the first date and of course has to be the person who secures the finances to form a family. Sweden is one of the rare examples where these kind of rules are becoming less and less important. But outside Sweden I do not see any news.

Females just do not care about this.

Iam sorry, but this is a hoax, as much as I wish every day to get approached by a nice female person who just genuinely likes me and does not want help or a coffee/drink. But this is the reality we are living in. blacks/muslims are bad, patriarchy is what is making the females suffer…. So many misinformation floating around. While necessarily not everything right or wrong, there is fault on both sides, I do not want to deny what Ashley judd said, but the fact that it simply is not true what she all said about herself is what makes me sad. A lot of people agree with her, there is a huge feminism wave going on, but it is going into the wrong direction.

Jubeat tiem!

Januar 16, 2017

Not much to see here,

i just wanted to dump my jubeat OSTs.

this month, Prop and Qubell were released. if you’d ask me, quite some let downs. so many fucking licenced songs, no real music to take off.

only good song on the album, which was not released for the home version (ipad).



oh right, almost forgot:

this is the tits. BEST FUCKING TECHNO EVER: